Attraction is tricky. And when it comes to finding love, we all want to manifest a beautiful and satisfying relationship with an ideal partner.
But, for some of us, finding the right partner is an elusive and unattainable goal to many. So, instead of relationships, we find ourselves stuck in a situation-ship cycle. And you keep asking yourself, “Am I ready for a relationship?”
If you want to make your relationship goal your top priority for the coming year, I have this message for you.
A healthy and happy relationship is possible and can be your reality. Don’t let anybody, especially you, think otherwise. Yes, that’s right! We can be our own worst enemies. Those negative thoughts and beliefs can not only hurt us but impact how we project ourselves to our potential partners. As a result, we are attracted to the quality we aspire to have.
If you’re looking for love, dating and being in a relationship are not the only ways to find it. If we want love in our lives, we can’t afford to let in any hate, even towards ourselves. It’s a simple concept but not easy to do.
The act of self-love is an art form requiring careful instruction and practice.
Many of us have no clue how to do that. Love is an action. Even if we don’t feel like we deserve love, we can choose to love ourselves by demonstrating loving and kind actions toward ourselves.
Are you ready to love and be loved? Here are five tips to help you find love in your life and relationships.
1. Recognize and identify negative and self-defeating thought patterns.
We are socialized to appear confident and competent. Often, the ugly thoughts about ourselves are hidden but steadily destroying our sense of well-being.
How often have you stopped speaking up because you didn’t think your opinion mattered much? Ask yourself why you hesitate when you want to tell your boyfriend what you want from him.
Do you ever worry about offending anyone for being who you are? Are you afraid of imagined ridicule if you spoke up? Unless we see the problem in how we think of ourselves, the self-hatred will remain hidden from our consciousness.
Be brave! Don’t give up your seat at the table to please anybody!
2. Say “hello” to the wounded child within.
Most of us have traumas from childhood, big or small. Yet, as adults, we still seek to find that wounds heal through our relationships. And we end up with a situation that replicates and aggravates the wounds. We compulsively repeat the mistakes and falsely conclude that we are unloveable.
Imagine yourself as a little kid desperately wanting to be validated and loved. And this is why you, to this day, continue to look for a companion, friends, a car, or a house, whatever, to make everything alright.
Recognize the need to heal the little you who are desperate for attention! Speak to them gently and lovingly. Be kind to them. Understand their needs and give in to them.
3. Cultivate love within.
Julia Cameron, the author of The Artist’s Way, proposes we go on dates as our own dates. So dress up, make a reservation, and book a trip. Get to know yourself in unusual circumstances.
How would you react when you get lost in an unfamiliar place? For example, can you handle being in your own company for a long weekend trip to a beach or a mountain?
The more you know yourself, the more likely you are to fall in love all over again.
4. Cultivate the creativity inside.
We often think of creativity as the ability to paint, sing songs, and play musical instruments. Creativity is much more than that. We are continually creating through our desires and impulses.
When we suppress those creative drives, bad things happen. We get bored, restless, frustrated, and miserable. Express inner originality through experimenting with new and old interests.
Maybe you’d like to paint with no agenda to finish or share. How about that journal you’ve been keeping for years? Can you see yourself writing poetry from your mundane life story? Have fun with it!
5. Shine your light outward.
Share your new-found self-love with those you encounter. Finally, people notice that something is different about you. You are radiant, happy, and at ease. You also see that random strangers are smiling as they pass by you. And you have more energy and spontaneity.
People are attracted to the radiance oozing out of you! Your vibration screams, “I’m ready for more fun, joy, and excitement!!” Just like anything else, this 4-step method requires some practice. But if you are committed to it, you will transform yourself sooner than later.
Imagine yourself a year from now with a life filled with fun and excitement! You can rely on confidence rather than waiting around for someone to heal your wounds.
Originally written by Aiko Takemura on YourTango
Featured image via Andre Furtado on Pexels
