“Three words, eight letters. Say it, and I’m yours.”
This is a quote from a scene in Season 2, Episode 1 of Gossip Girl. In this scene, Blair Waldorf confronts Chuck Bass and wants him to be emotionally vulnerable with her, but he’s not ready to open his heart to her. Throughout the series, we are mesmerized by the actors’ chemistry as we watch these two characters keep getting pulled together just to be ripped apart once more. This romantic arc is written in a way to make you believe that these two will eventually find their way back to each other.
Despite how well-written this common trope is, it’s also extremely unrealistic.
During my adolescence, I was a hopeless romantic who spent her time reading Nicholas Sparks novels. I’d watch hundreds of shows and movies romanticizing the concept of unrequited love. I’d constantly picture my high school situationship confessing their feelings for me in a summer downpour to the tune of an upbeat pop song with heavy piano while we passionately kiss in the rain.
However, I was romanticizing a version of them that didn’t exist.
When I would get out of my head, this romantic interest wasn’t what I wanted them to be. They would never say the right things or put any effort into the relationship. I’d constantly think of the “what ifs” and wonder if maybe it just wasn’t the right time. Maybe we’d be together if it wasn’t for “this reason” or “that reason.” However, I couldn’t continue to excuse what was going on.
They just simply didn’t want to be in a relationship with me.
I waited for months for this love to be exactly what I wanted it to be. I constantly felt at war with my head and my heart. Once the reality of things not working out hit me, I still felt like I couldn’t move on from that person. I was stuck in the mindset that they were meant for me, so I didn’t focus my attention on anyone else.
I thought nothing could compare to them until I did have something to compare that feeling to.
Throughout the next few years, I continued to be interested in several people who were as emotionally unavailable as that person was. That is when I started to slowly recognize the patterns. I realized that I was getting attached easily because I was falling for a concept, not a person.
Once I started to separate the two, I started to attract healthier relationships, both romantically and platonically.
A couple of weeks ago, my high school situationship added me on Facebook, and we had a long conversation. They told me how they felt guilty for hurting me and taking advantage of me. For me, it was a healing conversation because I was able to look at that situation from a different perspective since I moved on. And I realized that I didn’t need anyone else to feel whole.
I believe we are meant to deal with heartbreak and rejection during our lives. It helps us understand and appreciate the right opportunities and relationships given to us unconditionally. Due to this, I don’t believe in the “right person, wrong time” theory. I don’t believe every person in your life is meant to stay there. And those who are meant to be in your life wouldn’t let anything keep the two of you apart.
Featured image via cottonbro studio on Pexels
