When people think about verbal and emotional abuse, we usually think of shouting, yelling, and screaming. In many cases, it does get that bad, but the truth is that a lot of abuse happens at very quiet levels.
What is quiet abuse?
Domestic violence experts have a name for it — they call it “quiet abuse.” Quiet abuse is verbal abuse that happens at regular talking levels, or abuse that happens via silence.
But can you recognize the signs of emotional abuse like this?
Believe it or not, quiet abuse is actually pretty common, even among people who aren’t coupled up. In fact, you may have even witnessed it with friends, colleagues, or family members.
Here are 7 signs of emotional abuse you might have experienced in the past:
1. They say mean jokes that dig at your self-esteem.
After they take a dig at you, they brush off any complaints you have with suggestions that you’re “too sensitive and that it’s “just a joke.” This can be a form of verbal abuse seen in both relationships and offices, and it can seriously impact the way you feel about yourself. Don’t just brush it off if it seriously upsets you.
2. They insult you at a normal noise level.
Additionally, emotional abuse includes blatant insults said at normal noise levels. Do you have a “friend” who keeps telling you that you’re the “fat chick” of the group? Or did your boss insist that you were “useless” at meetings? This counts as quiet abuse if it’s done at talking levels of noise.
3. They guilt-trip you.
Silent abuse can involve guilt-tripping as well. Ever been guilt-tripped into doing something you really weren’t comfortable doing? This is a manipulative tactic that falls under silent abuse.
4. They ignore you when you talk to them.
Also known as the silent treatment, this method disempowers people or makes them feel unloved. If this happens in a relationship, you’re being abused and disrespected.
5. They use stonewalling, cold-shouldering, and purposefully exclude you when you disagree with them.
These are all signs of emotional abuse. These actions all hurt, they all are done with the objective of control in mind, and they don’t require huge amounts of volume to sting. In fact, this kind of behavior can be some of the most devastating forms of abuse out there.
6. They tell you that you’re “too sensitive.”
Abusive people tend to say this to discredit others’ feelings. If your partner regularly tells you to “chill out” and that you’re “so sensitive” when you point out the way they treat you, you’re probably dealing with silent abuse.
7. They make you feel weak, small, or stupid.
Sometimes, it’s hard to figure out what a person does that makes you feel so low. At times, the only indicator that something is wrong is that being around that person makes you feel wrong.
When compared to overt abuse, silent abuse makes us believe we’re overreacting. After all, we usually learn that shouting is bad, but “talking things out” isn’t. As a result, you may find it harder to pinpoint silent abuse and fight back at it.
We register yelling as a direct attack against us naturally. But when we deal with silent abuse, we often discredit ourselves. We jump to the conclusion that we are in the wrong for asserting ourselves, or that we did something wrong. You may feel guilty trying to bring up the way that you feel against a partner who uses silent abuse against you, too.
Psychologists and therapists are also getting wiser about silent abuse. They realize it’s easier for abusers to discredit silent abuse victims and hide behind the rhetoric to justify their actions. Now, there is a push new push to help people recognize that abuse doesn’t always mean hitting or shouting.
It doesn’t matter if the person you’re with isn’t yelling at you or hitting you. If someone chips away at your self-esteem, cold to you, and goes out of their way to hurt or control you, they’re an abuser.
If you don’t feel great around them because they silently abuse you, you need to leave them. Abuse is still abuse, no matter where the abuser places the volume dial.
Originally written by Ossiana Tepfenhart on YourTango
Photo by Artem Kovalev on Unsplash
