I’ve read several articles as to why hookup culture is a myth — the premise being that no one really enjoys a casual hookup, and the art of dating is a dying art, being belittled by suggesting it has been replaced by hookup near me culture and, of course, the subtext: that hookup culture is a bad thing.
But let’s not try to blame nor point fingers when someone’s needs don’t match our own. More communication would help us see that people won’t judge us for our choices. But when you understand how not to catch feelings with a casual hookup, only then can you be in control of yourself.
I’ve come up with a short list to help you stay focused in this vast world of dating, to have a more healthy and meaningful way to date through respect for yourself and others so that dating can actually be a peaceful and enjoyable experience. And, of course, should you choose to hook up, you’re not doing so blindly.
1. Be honest with yourself.
This is basically knowing what you want out of dating. I am not talking about what qualities or type of person you are looking for, but rather your long-term goal. Do you want a relationship? A traditional marriage with children? A good friend to hook up with who is also respectful, honest, communicative, and shares your passion for travel?
What exactly are you looking for? What do you see for yourself? Where do you see yourself in a year, two, or five? It’s not about the ideal person: it’s about the ideal relationship(s) for you.
2. Be steadfast.
Basically, don’t back down from what you want. Go for what you want from the start, and it will be yours — maybe not tonight or this week, but eventually. In other words, always keep your eye on the prize. It’s your life; you get to create it however you want.
3. Let it be known.
Communicate it. Don’t play games with your dates/partners. So, you want sex but aren’t sure they will be the long-term partner type? It’s okay. Don’t let the adage of getting into the sack be something “dirty,” “sinful,” or “shameful” get in your way.
In this day and age, dating means getting intimate with strangers. How else will you know if they are good for you short- or long-term? Figure it out, and let them know exactly where you are at.
4. Revisit your goals.
Our wants and desires change with each passing day, moment, and minute. We are constantly evolving, growing, flowing, and ebbing. So check in with yourself.
Do you want to keep dating? Maybe you met someone, and your initial idea of hooking up only needs to be revised. Perhaps you need to take a break. I like journaling, writing, exercising to clear my head or talking to a therapist, and fleshing out feelings and emotions that can cloud goals.
5. Repeat.
Repeat steps 1-4 as often as needed. Keep a dating journal — writing it down can help solidify your needs and desires, which are ever-changing.
When we are dating, it becomes our relationship. We should put the same intention into dating as we would put into our long-term partner or even our jobs/careers. If you focus on dating and have it be based on your own deliberate choices, then infuse this with honesty and respect for the people you meet, you will have a much easier time with dating in this dynamic world.
Originally written by Moushumi Ghose on YourTango
Featured image via Anna Shvets on Pexels
