Once upon a time, you found a man and began a relationship with him. This guy was better than the rest. He treated you the way you always dreamed of, took you on amazing dates, and showered you with compliments and gifts.
With all the great things he was doing for you during the honeymoon phase of your relationship, you couldn’t help but wonder: What was his motive for doing all of this? Could it be that he’s genuinely in love with me, or is he playing a role?
At the moment you couldn’t quite put your finger on it, but something was off. Despite all the relationship advice you read, you had a gut feeling that was too good to be true.
How could a guy you’ve only dated for two months or less be so madly in love with you? What did you do to make him fall in love with you?
Those are all the questions that came into my head when I was in that very situation.
Instead of taking the time to get to the root of my doubts regarding being in a relationship with my so-called Prince Charming, I rushed into it. I figured that if he loved me so much this early on, there was no way he would cheat on me or break up with me. I thought I might as well be his girlfriend.
When you think about it, me thinking that way is sad. I was rushing into a relationship out of fear of losing him if I didn’t commit. Since I was operating from a place of scarcity, I allowed myself to compromise my need to take things slow. I thought if I let him go, another girl would surely snatch him up in a heartbeat.
That type of thinking speaks to how naive I was in the early stages of my love life.
It never crossed my mind that he could be faking. The guy I thought was so kind and genuine was simply playing the role of a good guy. It’s easy for someone to fake who they are for a short period of time before the real them comes out.
That’s why he was intensely pursuing me for two months prior to our relationship. He knew he couldn’t keep the act up for too long, so he had to do the most he could in the shortest time span to make me believe he was committed to me.
His motive was to do whatever it would take to make me his girlfriend — and it worked. He love bombed me into a relationship without me even knowing.
Love bombing is a “Predatory tactic used to seduce and ensnare an individual into a romantic relationship,” only to later ghost them. I was literally tricked into being in a relationship under the false pretense that he would continue to treat me the way he did in the beginning.
As our relationship progressed, our dates become more inconsistent, he put less effort in, and our conversations got dull. He was no longer the guy I agreed to be with. He changed. It’s like he went from being madly in love with me to just tolerating me.
I began feeling trapped in my relationship. Originally, I thought that maybe we could get through this rough patch and go back to normal. I tried hard to salvage what was left. In the process of doing so, I realized that I couldn’t be the only one fighting to save our relationship.
I had to tell myself the harsh reality that the reason he wasn’t putting the effort in was that he didn’t care. He just wanted to be able to say I was his girlfriend as if I was some sort of trophy.
After I broke up with him, I thought we were going to get back together. Looking back, I’m glad we didn’t because in our time apart I learned so much about who he truly was. If I would’ve known then what I know now, I would never have dated him.
As the saying goes “Everything that glitters is not gold.” Just because a guy seems great, that doesn’t really mean he is. Take the time to really get to know someone and those close to them before getting into a relationship. Rushing is never worth the potential heartbreak.
If you’re feeling trapped in your relationship as I did, here are a few reasons you may feel this way.
1. You rushed into the relationship without getting to know him.
Rushing into a relationship hardly ever ends well because you don’t truly know who you’re getting involved with. We all know that in the early stages of dating, we put our best foot forward and lead with our best qualities in hopes of attracting another person.
But it takes time to get to know someone and learn if you both have an authentic connection that isn’t purely based on physical attraction. When you rush into things, you commit to the person’s representative self, without seeing their true nature.
You’ll feel trapped once you realize you don’t like the real them.
2. You have unrealistic expectations that can’t be met.
Remember that people are imperfect and they make mistakes. If you put your partner on an extremely high pedestal, they’ll disappoint you at some point. You can’t expect someone to be a perfect partner 100 percent of the time, because you aren’t either.
Make sure you and your partner are aware of your expectations, so you can decide which can realistically be met. This is how you keep yourself from feeling unsatisfied in your relationship. When your needs are met in a relationship, you won’t feel trapped.
3. You settled for less.
When you settle for someone in a relationship, sooner or later you feel trapped. Even though it was perfect in the beginning, as time goes on, your lack of satisfaction grows. You can’t help wonder if you could do better or if he’s even worthy of you.
There are too many singles out there for you to settle for someone who isn’t good enough for you. Just wait until you find the person you’re looking for so you can have the relationship you always wanted.
4. You’re financially dependent on him.
Having a man pay for everything you own at first might seem great, but it isn’t. When he’s your source of income, it’s difficult for you to assert your own independence.
If you don’t act in a way that pleases him, he might just cut you off financially. Not having the luxuries you’re used to will surely cause you distress. You won’t feel like you can leave, because you won’t have any money without him.
Allowing a man to be your sole provider will backfire because you’ll end up feeling like you can never provide for yourself without him.
5. You’re scared to leave.
Sometimes the man you thought was “the one” could have a serious temper. His anger issues will hardly ever show in the beginning; in fact, he might be a complete sweetheart.
The issues only become apparent when you get deeper into the relationship, and by then it’s too late. Since you know he has anger issues, you can’t help but feel like leaving, even though you hate staying.
Originally written by Tamara Sanon on YourTango
Photo by Odonata Wellnesscenter on Pexels
