Well-being is a positive state of mind. It emanates from self-acceptance, acceptance of others, activities that you enjoy, and a sense of commitment to your goals.
Here are ten tips on how to be more positive so nobody can take your joy away.
1. Generate and share positive energy.
Gratitude generates joy. How often do you count your blessings and have awareness of the good that has entered your life lately? Seeing what is good in your circumstances enhances feelings of well-being. Sharing positive connections and feelings increases others’ sense of well-being, which in turn will cause you to feel more content.
2. Start to problem-solve.
When problems arise, do you find yourself feeling mad, sad, or scared, and then getting stuck in irritation, depression, or anxiety? As soon as you hit a bump in life — a dilemma, an annoyance, a tough decision, a conflict, or an issue — go straight to problem-solving mode and ask yourself what you can do to fix the difficulty. In most cases, as soon as you figure out a plan of action, your negative feelings will flow away, replaced by satisfying feelings of well-being. Look for what you can add to a solution instead of telling others what they could or should do, unless they ask for suggestions from you.
3. Harness yourself to a project.
I once visited a Sufi guru in Pakistan. One of the favorite sayings of this very wise man was: “Cars run best uphill.” I found his way of expressing this principle amusing. At the same time, I realized that many religions express this wisdom and that it highlights an important reality: people feel best when they have a project, a mission, or an objective to which they can harness their content energies.
4. Learn from mistakes.
People were not designed to be perfect. To the contrary, we all make mistakes. No need to sit around beating yourself up after you’ve made a mistake. Instead, regard your errors — large or small — as opportunities for growth. See others’ mistakes as learning opportunities, as well. After each mistake that you or others have made, say to yourself, “Mistakes are for learning.”
5. See yourself and others in the best possible light.
Eliminate negative labels. End name-calling toward others and toward yourself. Anytime you feel tempted still to use a negative word to describe someone, reframe the phenomenon you observed in an empathic or at least neutral way. For instance, are you thinking that your child is bossy? Label it as “budding leadership”. Do you think your friend is stupid? Label it “uninformed” or “slow to pick up on new ideas”. Avoid negative terms for yourself, as well.
6. Agree, augment, and add instead of disagreeing.
When someone expresses an opinion with which you disagree, skip the “But…” Also, skip the rebuttals like, “That’s not true!” Those responses turn a friendly discussion into an adversarial argument. “I’m right and you’re wrong” assumptions also invite fights. Instead, listen closely to find at least one aspect of what you are hearing that you can agree with. Verbalize your agreement with that specific bit of information.
7. If it’s in the past, it’s for the good.
Once something has already happened, you can decide the impact it will have on your life and on your feelings. You can harbor resentment if it was something that hurt you. You can sink into disappointment and grieve for too long, or you can decide, “If it’s in the past, my job is to make it turn out for the good.”
8. Cherish your circle of loved ones and friends.
Make time for your friends and family members. Do fun activities with them. Verbalize your positive feelings toward them. You will feel your loving feelings and you will receive positives in return. Expressions of appreciation and affection breed appreciation and affection in return, creating more well-being for everyone.
9. Treat your anger as a stop sign.
Expressing anger creates further anger, both within you and within the person you’re addressing. So, any time that you begin to feel angry, regard anger as a stop sign. What do you do at a stop sign? Would you pick up the stop sign and clobber people with it? No. At a stop sign, you pause to look about, figure out what’s going on, and decide how to proceed.
10. Enjoy life’s pleasures and let the laughter flow.
Indulge in life’s free sources of joy. Let yourself play and be playful. Sing a song or put music on your favorite electronic device. Go outside and enjoy the natural greenery and the sunshine. Connect with friends and family. Do something new, go somewhere new, or meet someone new, as new things tend to generate positive feelings.
Originally published by Susan Heitler, PhD on YourTango
