Everyone goes through moments where they dwell on the past because they are more comfortable with it. But the best part of the past is that it’s no longer part of your life. I may be biased because it took me many years to let go of the past without dwelling on it and making anyone feel bad about it. But it’s definitely true.
I was afraid to focus on the present because change is challenging for me. When I think of change, I get terrible anxiety. You can work through the past in many ways to understand your future better.
Growing up, I was in the system, which made me very angry until I graduated high school. I had a hard time trusting anyone. Then when I became an adult, my friends and everyone around me did me wrong, and I swore that I wouldn’t forgive them because I was afraid to let go. Then I turned 30 and realized I couldn’t keep dwelling on the past.
These are the ways that helped me:
1. Counseling
I’ve been in counseling since I was 10. That was one of the requirements of being in the system. When I turned 15, I was severely depressed. After I got discharged from the mental ward, I went into therapy, where I was diagnosed with chronic depression and chronic anxiety that came with panic attacks.
Counseling can help you deal with struggles. I know it helps me. It can also help you with feelings you can’t deal with alone. I’ve been in counseling on and off for the past 15 years and am still working through it.
2. Communication
Ever since I was little, I kept how I felt deep inside. I was always afraid to talk about what was bothering me, and I let others walk all over me. Also, I let the past dictate my future — until I learned that communication helped me move on and deal with it.
I know I’d rather learn from the past because I am tired of regretting and dwelling on it. After all, it only made me angry and bitter. You can still learn from the past and have a good life. But don’t let it ruin your future because the past has nothing to do with your current situation.
3. Reflecting
After having counseling and improving communication skills comes reflection. Communicating and being in counseling can help you work through the past.
The past is not bad: you can either regret it, learn from it, or dwell on it. Which one do you choose?
Featured image via José Luis Photographer on Pexels
