A few months ago, I scrolled endlessly through Facebook when an update of my childhood best friends appeared on my screen. We’ve lived in separate states for the last seven years, but I always would visit her whenever I returned to my hometown. Imagine my surprise when she posted that she was in my state.
Hours turned to days, and still no text message appeared.
I’d constantly scroll through her page as she posted the places she visited. In my head, I wondered why she couldn’t make any time to see me. Once I realized she made it back home without a single word, I didn’t hesitate to press the unfriend button. As I’m now a lot older, I truly don’t feel like I need to fight for my value in someone’s life; they should see that on their own.
In 2016, I drove 500 miles to her high school graduation party and left after an hour.
I sat by myself the entire time as I watched her circle to each person she thought was important. I wondered when she would walk over to me. As I began to leave, I heard her dad talking to a relative about how I was such a good friend because I traveled 500 miles to see her.
I was such a good friend that instead of ruining her accomplishment, I cried in my hotel room as I asked myself when I would have a friendship that would drive 500 miles for me. Because, at that moment, I realized she wouldn’t.
I have thousands of photos of this person through the last 20 years I’ve known her. We celebrated holidays together. Her family sat in the hospital room with me as my mom passed away. I had many inside jokes and memories with her, but I’ve always had one issue.
She was the most self-centered person I knew.
As a kid, I would cry as she would call me to cancel plans because another friend invited her to something, and it “sounded more fun.” I’d regret every time I’d confide in her about something, as it usually ended with her being annoyed at me. But on the outside, everyone envied our friendship, saying they couldn’t believe we stuck together since kindergarten.
I now know that longevity doesn’t mean quality.
Her friendship was my first ever friendship, which led me to have very similar dynamics with others because I thought it was normal to have one-sided friendships and relationships. It took me until my mid-20s to find real friends, the ones who stayed with me even after the fun ended.
During my 25th birthday, one of my friends ran late to my party. But they had run late due to searching last minute for a backup present because the present they got was stolen and they didn’t want to show up without calling me a gift. A couple of my friends ended up sick during that same party, so they planned for us to go to a wine and design class to make up for it so I could still celebrate with them.
For many years, I tried to give this friendship to people who didn’t deserve it. In reality, I just needed to find people who matched my energy.
You should surround yourself with people who don’t treat you like an option but as a priority.
Featured image via mododeolhar on Pexels
