Before someone gets a driver’s license, they take a driver’s ed course, practice with the help of an experienced driver, and closely study the rule book. These are all valuable things to do because driving without the necessary skills would make someone a menace on the roads and a danger to themselves and others. The same thought process applies to getting married as well.
Before getting married, people must learn how to do the demanding activities that a partnership requires. Otherwise, couples are at risk for intense fighting and starting a weak marriage from the outset. Couples who learn important marriage skills are most likely to enjoy a long-lasting and gratifying partnership.
A marriage takes work and effort from both partners, but if you’re willing to learn a few crucial skills, you’ll triumph in creating a solid marriage based on love.
And if you’re spending too much time and energy focused on needing to have a wedding, you still need to make sure that the marriage that follows will be a prosperous one.
Here are the four main critical skills you must have as a couple before getting married.
1. Emotional self-regulation.
Young children often get mad, cry, or even hit their siblings. Adults, on the other hand, live their lives mostly in a calm zone. The good news is that adults who get overly emotional, especially with anger, can learn to overcome their aggressive tendencies.
If you raise your voice and get mad more than once every several months (or get so angry that you say and do hurtful things), you’ve got some critical learning to do.
2. Communication.
Talking tactfully, especially when the issue distresses you, and listening productively is essential to any marriage.
Talking in a way that’s complaining, critical, or otherwise hurtful will get you in serious marriage trouble.
Dismissing what your partner says, negating what you hear with “but,” or ignoring instead of digesting what you hear are sure to cause extreme marital woes.
3. Conflict resolution.
All couples have differences. Successful couples know how to start with a “his way” and a “her way” and end up with an “our way” that they both feel good about.
That’s true; whether the issue is a simple one, like what movie to see on Saturday night, or a big problem like where to live, how to handle money, and how to keep your intimate life passionate, you have to come to a compromise that you both can live with.
4. Positivity.
Every time you share a smile, laugh at your partner’s jokes, agree with a comment your partner said, express appreciation, thank your partner for something, or express affection, you are offering “dollops” of positivity.
The more dollops you give, the happier you both will be.
The moral of the story? Be prepared. Remember that a wedding is for one day. But a marriage, hopefully, is forever.
Originally written by Susan Heitler on YourTango
Featured image via Emma Wise on Pexels
