Self-compassion is turning the empathy you have toward others inward. Rather than being critical when you fail or make a mistake, you are kind and understanding. Encouraging yourself like you would others is a powerful tool.
What Is Self-Compassion?
Self-compassion has three interrelated components exhibited during times of pain or failure. They have two parts that reflect the opposite of each other. So, instead of ignoring or dealing with the pain, ask yourself how to care for yourself in these moments.
Rather than focusing on your shortcomings, be kind to yourself and understand that no one is perfect. For example, you would look at exercise and healthy eating habits as a way to feel good about yourself, not that you need to lose weight.
Many people confuse self-compassion with self-pity, self-indulgence, and self-esteem. However, it’s completely different.
Self-pity tends to emphasize egotistic feelings of separation and exaggerates personal suffering. Self-indulgence is when people let themselves get away with too many things. Self-esteem refers to your sense of worth and how much you like yourself.
Here are three components of self-compassion and how they can improve your well-being.
1. Self-Kindness vs. Self-Judgment
Instead of ignoring your pain or being self-critical, be warm and understanding toward yourself. Life difficulties are bound to happen, so be gentle when dealing with the inevitable. You can’t always be or get what you want. Stress and frustration can sometimes arise in challenging situations. So, accept the reality with sympathy and kindness to create a more significant emotional experience with yourself.
Develop self-kindness by finding ways to reduce judgment. You can do this by softening critical self-talk, reducing the demotion of your worth, and lessening the disappointment of perceived personal flaws. It’s easier said than done, but giving yourself recognition for your qualities will help.
2. Common Humanity vs. Isolation
People can become frustrated and feel alone when things don’t turn out as they want. Recognizing suffering and personal inadequacy is part of the human experience that everyone goes through. It is a common need to feel like you belong and are socially accepted.
Isolation is a sense that your flaws and failures threaten your sense of self. When you perceive yourself as isolated, you may hide your true personality and emotions to avoid further rejection. Acting like you have feelings other than what you’re experiencing can lead to stress and burnout.
Self-compassion requires you to develop a mindset in which difficulties or personal flaws make you feel like you belong. Shift the focus of your sense of self to how it connects to others.
3. Mindfulness vs. Overidentification
You have to take a balanced approach to negative emotions so you don’t overreact or suppress your feelings. Try relating to others’ personal experiences for more perspective. Mindfulness is a nonjudgemental state of mind where you allow yourself to feel and live in the moment. Ensure you don’t let your thoughts and emotions define you and view them from an outside point of view.
Overidentification happens when you focus too much on your suffering. Then, you dramatize the situation to the point nothing else matters.
You can use mindfulness techniques that bring you to the present moment. Don’t get lost in your suffering. Try starting a gratitude journal or meditation to bring positive thoughts and emotions about a situation to light.
You can teach yourself to have more self-compassion with time and practice. These three components are a great starting point for putting it into action.
Featured image via Leohoho on Unsplash
