Resolving trust issues starts with learning to truly trust yourself before you can trust someone else.
Once upon a time, some early human screwed up and gave some other early human a reason to distrust them — and from that seed blossomed the psychological phenomenon known as “trust issues.”
Now around the globe — in bedrooms, boardrooms, and even on playgrounds — we’ve become a society practically built on trust issues.
Having the ability to trust someone else and be in a relationship without allowing your trust issues to interfere require trust yourself enough to reveal your authentic self fully.
Gasp! You mean it requires being totally transparent, saying what’s on my mind, asking for what I desire … and that doing those things will eliminate trust issues from my relationship?
Um, yeah! It all starts with you, baby, quickly followed by how you choose to respond to those little annoying possibilities your partner throws at you, consciously or subconsciously, triggering your fears that no one can ever really be trusted.
See, these fears are all about you and your own trust issues.
So with that being said, how can you get past these feelings of insecurity and vulnerability when they arise?
Here are five tips to help you deal with trust issues in a relationship so you can be more open to enjoying your life:
1. Focus on trusting in yourself.
I know it’s already been said, but this is truly the starting point for resolving trust issues.
In words somewhat similar to those of Ru Paul, “If you can’t trust yourself, how the hell are you gonna trust somebody else?” (Uh-hum! Preach, sistah!)
2. Define what trust means.
Come to an understanding of how you and your partner both define the meaning of trust.
Hello, we’re not mind readers. And if you believe you are, then why would you have trust issues? You’d already know what your partner is thinking!
In relationships, it’s all about “ask and ye shall receive.” Talk about trust. Discuss it! Discover what might make trust issues arise in your unique relationship with your partner.
3. Take a look in the mirror.
I hate to say it, but often, trust issues arise because what you see in someone else is an issue directly reflecting something you don’t want to see in yourself.
It could be that you’re fearful your partner is cheating because you’re the one considering an affair (or might already be involved physically or emotionally with someone else). Or it could be that you were cheated on in the past and you don’t want to feel duped or hurt once again. You may not realize this is causing wicked scripts to play out in the fabulous stage play that is your mind, whether or not they reflect anything that is happening in real life.
Ask yourself, “What’s really going on underneath my trust issues right now?” The honest answer may shock you, but it could also calm you.
4. Have an open relationship.
Gasp — did I just advocate having an open relationship? Yes!
As in an open, transparent, let’s communicate, and quit hiding that we each have trust issues, admit our stuff relationship.
No, this doesn’t mean you take on different lovers (although if doing so would make your trust issues scamper away, more power to you).
What I’m really advocating for is being open and vulnerable so that trust issues become dead non-issues, rather than leading you to have a dead relationship.
5. Give trust to get trust.
If you put trust in, you’ll get some back. One of the hardest parts about trusting and resolving trust issues is learning how to give trust freely. However, when it’s a gift that keeps on giving, then it’s easy to see trust issues retreat.
That said, the moment you take trust without giving it back in return, you’ve abused the vulnerable gesture the other person offered you. And no one appreciates being abused!
Regardless of the circumstances, trust issues are something we all face.
Whether it starts with a little white lie or explodes from the bombshell of infidelity, trust is trust!
Personally, once those little tongue twisters get resolved, I’ve realized, because I trust myself, it’s easier to address trust issues head-on in all my relationships.
Now that I’ve resolved my own issues, I’m the perfect partner, the perfect father, the perfect ex-husband, and the perfect life coach. “Trust” me, it’s true … Not!
However, I have discovered that it’s now much easier to admit when I’m struggling with my trust issues, talk through them, and even remain open to hearing when others don’t entirely trust me.
The lesson I’ve learned is that. ultimately, trust issues kill the beauty of trusting that you can have a truly happy and love-filled life.
Now get out there and start trusting again!
Originally written by Rick Clemons on YourTango
Photo by Tim Samuel on Pexels
