I’m depressed, and that is one of the most exhausting experiences anyone can ever go through.
Exhaustion is nothing new to any of us, even those not experiencing depression. We often say we’re tired whenever we’ve had a long day. Maybe work has challenged you more than usual for a week. Perhaps you’ve found school assignments grueling lately. You may have relationship issues. Or maybe you don’t even know why, just that you have a lot going on, and life can be exhausting. Whatever it is, we’ve all been there before.
But feeling tired because of depression is an entirely different experience. When a person with depression says, “I’m tired,” they’re not talking about everyday exhaustion from work, school, or other identifiable factors. And when I, a person with depression, say, “I’m tired,” I mean so much more than that word can encompass.
When I say, “I’m tired,” I say I have no energy to take care of myself.
I can’t get out of bed. I can’t eat breakfast. And I can’t even go to the bathroom. The mere thought of moving my limbs takes monumental effort and energy, which I don’t have. The functions that seemed so simple are suddenly so out of reach that just the thought of doing them drains my body and soul.
When I say, “I’m tired,” I’m saying I can’t do anything, whether I need to or want to. Washing the dishes becomes an impossible task that I can’t even comprehend how to start. Doing laundry is not something I’m capable of even thinking about doing. Cleaning up after myself or spending a few minutes tidying the house is a burden, one on top of the many I can’t handle.
When I say “I’m tired,” I’m saying I can’t be bothered to do anything. Hobbies hold no interest to me. Writing, one of my greatest passions, ignites no sparks within me. I don’t want to talk to my friends or family; I don’t want to eat my favorite dish. I can’t do any of those things when this fog settles over me and zaps everything within me.
When I say, “I’m tired,” I’m saying I’m tired of life. Period.
I can’t keep putting in effort when life keeps pushing back. I don’t have the mental capacity to think positively or distract myself from the negative for a reprieve. I’m in a constant state of exhaustion, wondering when I can take a nap or simply go to sleep so I can just stop being for once.
When I’m depressed and say, “I’m tired,” I mean I’m tired of everything. I’m in a constant, never-ending state of exhaustion. It’s the complete opposite of a high. It’s as if someone took a vacuum and sucked all the energy, drive, and motivation out of my very being. I can feel it seeping out through my pores as I’m losing more and more of it until I’m a shell of myself, unable to face the world or even myself.
Physical, mental, and all-around exhaustion is a common symptom of depression. It’s one of the most common, yet we don’t discuss it often. While we have more insight into depression now than we did many years ago, it’s still hard not to conjure a preconceived image of what a depressed person looks like. We often imagine a depressed person is sad, crying, or actively suicidal. And while depression can look like that, it’s not the only way it manifests itself. For many people like me, exhaustion is the never-ending symptom encompassing depression’s very being.
If you know someone with depression, know that they are not being “lazy” or simply blasé about doing anything.
If a depressed person tells you they’re tired, they mean they are experiencing a deep-bone tiredness that they can’t even put into words. They are not having a bad week or day or experiencing burnout that they can easily trace to stress and life pressure. They are simply tired of everything. Even if they wanted to do something, to make themselves do something, sometimes they simply can’t. That’s how debilitating it is. And it’s even worse for the person experiencing it firsthand.
If you have depression and have experienced this tiredness, I feel for you. I’ve been where you’ve been in many ways. I do not think you are “slacking” off or are being stubborn. And I do not think you’re selfish. Instead, I think you are someone struggling with the weight of depression, and I am here to listen. I am here to help you tide the storm. And I am here to lend you a hand in whatever way that I can.
Above all, I’m here to tell you I see you, I hear you, and I believe you.
Photo by ActionVance on Unsplash
