As a Black woman born and raised in America, I want to bring attention to the way black women are often treated in society. Unfortunately, we’ve had to deal with a lot of unnecessary interactions bordering from ignorant to just plain racist. Having to deal with racism and sexism along with other issues is mentally taxing; it doesn’t help when people casually say racist and sexist things to us, either (a phenomenon known as misogynoir).
But that’s one of the benefits of being a writer: I get to discuss these things and hopefully change perspectives. So, speaking as a Black woman who wants to cut down on this nonsense, I’m here to give you a short (and by no means comprehensive) list of things you should never, ever say to black women.
1. Can I touch your hair?
Others have explained the history behind this form of racism more in-depth, but, in short, the answer is no—and will always be no. (And don’t ask if you’re going to touch our hair, anyway—you already did it without our permission, which is just rude). Think about this: do you ask your white friends if you can touch their hair? How would you feel if a Black person asks to touch your hair.
2. “You’re pretty for a Black girl.”
Telling someone they’re good-looking “in spite” of their race is racist, period. Whether you realize it or not, you’re implying that most Black women aren’t pretty, but I’m the exception. That’s not a compliment but an insult to my background, and it’s beyond offensive to every other Black woman out there.
3. “I love Black women!”
On the flip side, this statement is also offensive. Why do you have to point out that you “love” Black women? This implies, intentionally or not, that disliking or even hating Black women is the norm. And you likely wouldn’t say “I love white women” or bring attention to their race, not to mention people of the same race aren’t a monolith, and there’s no way you could’ve met all of us to claim that you love us! It’s a ridiculous statement all around.
4. “I don’t date Black women.”
Many people stereotype Black women as having attitudes and acting aggressive, using it as a “reason” they would never date, let alone approach, a Black woman. What’s even more unfortunate is that I’ve heard Black men say this before, oblivious to the internalized racism and external misogyny this statement carries. It goes without saying that it doesn’t matter who you date background wise, as long as the relationship is compatible and healthy. But if you specifically point out that you don’t date a Black woman, that screams misogynoir.
5. “You don’t act Black.”
What does it even mean to “act Black,” except embody stereotypes of a Black person? And what does it mean to “act white,” except that you’re a “credit” to your race?
Most of this is obviously offensive, but black women still have to deal with a lot of these issues in society. There’s no definitive list of everything offensive to say. But, just to be safe, don’t say this to anyone. Get to know people. Treat them with respect. That’s all we ask for.
Originally published on Her Campus
Photo by Josh Herrington on Unsplash
Thank you for sharing your perspective and shedding light on the challenges that Black women face in society. It’s disheartening to hear about the unnecessary and hurtful interactions you endure on a regular basis.