To My Friend Who Is Grieving,
I am writing to celebrate you and express how proud I am of your incredible journey.
A year ago, you experienced the most challenging time of your life. You lost one of the people you cherished the most, and the realization that they would never return was devastating.
When I think about that moment, my heart breaks for you. I can imagine the well-intentioned condolences from others. But I understand these words might have felt hollow, leaving you grieving even more and thinking, “What are you sorry for?” and “There is no better place than right here with the people they loved.”
I can also empathize with the overwhelming guilt you might have felt for experiencing even a flicker of relief knowing they were no longer in pain. That guilt was likely accompanied by the realization that if they were still here, it might mean they would still suffer just to be with you. These initial moments of loss taught you the complexity and confusion that grief would bring.
Coming to terms with this new reality must have been incredibly difficult.
Even with all the support in the world, the power of death and grief can bring immense loneliness. I’m certain that after the wakes and funerals concluded and everyone resumed their lives, you might have had the fleeting thought, “How am I going to survive this? How will I wake up every day and live without the person I loved the most?”
It is one of the most frightening and challenging experiences, but you went through it. You survived the first year. You made it through birthdays, anniversaries, and holidays. You endured dinners where the empty chair at the table was the most prominent presence. You navigated meeting new people who would never know them. You persevered through the end of relationships with those who couldn’t understand your loss or avoided discussing the most significant aspect of your life because it frightened them.
For all this, I celebrate you and the year you thought you couldn’t survive.
Your resilience in moving forward while carrying this loss in your heart is genuinely admirable. People who hold such profound grief deserve to be celebrated. You should be celebrated for continuing to talk about your loved one, even when it makes others uncomfortable. You should also be celebrated for honoring their memory by engaging in activities they enjoyed or pursuing dreams they never had the chance to achieve.
The anniversary of their death also marks the birth of your new normal — a reality you have chosen to make beautiful, even if it differs from what you expected.
You did it. Look how far you have come despite grieving. They would be so proud of you.
Featured image via Liza Summer on Pexels
