As children, we all find people to look up to. We believe that these people can do no wrong. But as we get older, we realize that people aren’t perfect, including those we idolized as children. Sometimes the choices these once-special people make change our views of them and shatter our hearts.
When I was a child, I met someone who quickly became my role model. They were about 10 years older than me, but we bonded quickly. It felt like we knew each other for our entire lives.
They would take me out to lunch or go shopping with me. I’d come to her house, and she’d watch over me. When I became an adult, we became even closer because it finally felt like we were peers. Even better, this person celebrated every milestone in my life, and I celebrated theirs too.
That is until they met the person they ended up marrying.
Suddenly, we stopped seeing each other every other week. The stretches between hangouts got longer and longer — once a month, then once every three months, then once every six months, then once a year. The texts became sporadic too.
Now I’m lucky if they text me once every two months. They forgot my birthday. They no longer “like” my Instagram posts or celebrate my milestones. I went from feeling like an important part of this person’s life to feeling like they wanted to forget about me.
Several months ago, this person and I spoke and had a quick conversation.
But during the chat, we misunderstood each other. This person snapped at me and called me horrible names that I can’t repeat. I remember staring at the phone in shock. How could they think this lowly of me, let alone say such nasty things to me? This person I idolized as a young girl wasn’t who I once thought they were. It broke my heart.
I deleted that awful text and walked away from the situation.
Still, anger filled my veins. This person decided that I was no longer important to them and that it was me who was the bad guy — even though they spoke badly of me.
My heart broke the most for my inner child. How could this person who knew me since I was a little girl speak to me like this? Did they not remember the little girl who worshiped the ground they walked on? That little girl did everything with her and turned to her for comfort when it felt like no one else wanted to listen. Now they destroyed that little girl.
The child in me was broken, but the adult in me knew that I needed to cut this person off.
If this person was willing to call me names over a simple misunderstanding, they weren’t the type of person I wanted in my life. They’d always been this way, but I no longer saw them with rose-colored glasses.
We haven’t spoken since that day. I sometimes wonder if they have realized how their words impacted me. But that doesn’t matter now. I’m not reaching back out.
To my inner child, I’m sorry that the person you once idolized hurt you this deeply. I love you, and I’m doing what’s best for you. Maybe one day we’ll make things right again. But for now, I promise to protect you from as much hurt as possible.
Photo by Bruno van der Kraan on Unsplash
really useful experience