When I was 12 years old, I convinced myself that perhaps, I was indeed a tomboy. And although I detest labeling myself based on gender norms, I never thought of myself to be as girly as the others. I despised feminine clothing and constantly wore male clothing, including T-shirts, shorts, and hats.
And in elementary school, most of my friends were male as well. I remember having a group of 5-6 friends who were all male; my teacher became so concerned to the point that she had to disband us.
You need to hang out with more females, she told me.
I tried to talk to more girls as a child, and none of our friendships seemed to work out. It always ended with my former best friend either hating what I do, detesting my personality, or making a snide comment regarding my looks.
Hanging out with girls made me feel so insecure and uncomfortable, as I felt that fellow women were always trying to compete with me and put me down.
This bias and experience from my childhood have even affected my relationships in young adulthood.
Wherever I look around, I notice that I’m constantly surrounded by men. My closest friends are usually guys, and the people I talk to regarding situations are mainly men as well. Even at work, I’m the only female in my team, which is accompanied by around five other males.
However, during a recent experience at work, I realized that there is something entirely wrong with the way I interact with female clients and colleagues. Recently, a female client visited the facility, and based on the way she approached me, I took a very aggressive approach to the situation. Then, I noticed that many of my female acquaintances around me tend to avoid me; according to them, I am very hostile and condescending towards them.
I decided to bring up these concerns to a fellow friend, to which he replied; “It seems like with guys you are good, but with women, you aren’t so much.”
I decided to think about the statement and I realized that there was some kind of validity to it. Fellow women around me constantly made me uncomfortable, and I found it difficult to empathize with their needs and characteristics.
I then decided to take a deep dive into the issue of this and realized that perhaps, the childhood trauma of growing up in an all-girl household has led to all of this. I didn’t have the fondest memories of my household, and I had a complex relationship with my fellow women around me. This has perhaps affected my decisions and methods of interaction subconsciously.
I noticed that I need to make the change to perhaps talk to and converse with other women.
After all, I do identify as a female and I understand that I share some common struggles with women. However, I need to learn to be more accepting of this and understand that to move forward and develop strong friendships, I should not only have male friends but learn to have female friends as well.
So as the girl who constantly talked to guys, I have learned that perhaps having mainly male friends isn’t fully great for my personal development. I wish to share more conversations and topics with girls, and I wish to make amends for what I have done. After all, I believe as women, we should stand up for each other and side with each other to fight off societal stereotypes.
Featured image via Liliana Drew on Pexels
