I’m in one of the most depressing and turbulent stages of my life so far. I battled with a persistent skin issue for a long time, and over the past year, it spiralled out of control. I tried numerous treatments, but I remain in limbo, unsure of how this chronic condition might evolve. Occasionally, I wonder how I ended up in this cycle of pain and suffering and worry that I’ll never find happiness again. It’s daunting to experience burning rashes, excruciating itchiness, and endless uncertainty as I try to heal.
But in darkness, we often find light. No matter how life breaks us down, we always seem to find our way back to a peaceful place where we can accept both our joys and hardships. Here are three lessons to remember when life feels unbearable:
1. Take happiness day by day.
Many of us wish to be happy but find it difficult to define. We often associate happiness with grand moments or material possessions, but we forget that happiness can be so much more than these “big” things. Even if we achieve the goals that we believe will bring us happiness, we often still feel unsatisfied and continue searching for “the next big thing.”
Instead of tying our happiness to significant successes, we can discover the beauty of “daily happiness.” Although it might seem like we don’t accomplish much each day, our mind and body work relentlessly to make sure that we complete our daily chores, finish our work responsibilities, and take care of ourselves. Therefore, instead of trying to control the distant future, find joy throughout the day, whether it’s having a productive day at work, doing your favorite self-care activity, or treating yourself to a snack that you enjoy.
2. Be gentle with how you approach self-care.
Right now, you probably see advice about self-care everywhere, from articles discussing it to influencers promoting it. Self-care activities, like exercise, meditation, and gratitude practice, are undoubtedly beneficial for our overall well-being. However, when we struggle with intense emotions, just getting through the day often requires all of our effort. The pressure to constantly engage in self-care can inadvertently make us feel like we should always stay busy with something. It’s OK to not set aside time for self-care every day, though, so we should be gentle with ourselves. Sometimes happiness finds us when we realize that productivity isn’t everything and even self-care is best in moderation.
3. Allow yourself to feel all of your emotions.
Humans are naturally emotional creatures. We feel deeply, and even though having strong emotions can be difficult sometimes, it’s also beautiful.
Acknowledging our feelings can be painful. However, in the long run, it cultivates resilience and allows us to release “negative emotions” in a healthy way. Avoiding our emotions can lead to bigger struggles, like depression and suicidal thoughts. These make living a happy life extremely challenging. Therefore, no matter how tempting it may feel to hide or deny our feelings, if we let our emotions pass on their own time, we may feel a sense of relief. Accepting that you are in pain and need help is, indeed, another form of courage.
Whether or not we decide to share our struggles, we should find coping skills that work for us. For instance, in my hardest moments, crying and journaling soothed me, even when I wondered if I appeared to be “weak”. Nevertheless, without those moments of journaling, shedding tears, or accepting defeat, I might have never felt a sense of relief and known that I have the inner strength to overcome these burdens. If you’d like to try a different way to cope, you can cry, scream, or punch a pillow. You can also enjoy your favourite snacks or watch your favourite movies. The key is to eventually return to your everyday life and face your struggles. In the meantime, though, do whatever will help you heal best.
If you’re like me, and you wake up each day questioning your existence and wondering when life will get better, take small steps each day to cultivate joy. Be gentle with yourself, reflect on small moments of happiness or success, and let yourself feel every emotion that comes up. It’s OK to have some days where you just want to get by but remind yourself that you have come this far in life, so might as well just hang in another day to see what awaits.
Featured Photo by Andre Hunter on Unsplash.
