Why Do Your Feelings Matter But Mine Don’t?

I found myself in a heated disagreement recently. We had a significant issue, but they could only see it from their perspective. When I confided in a friend about it, this person accused me of “attacking” their character in front of someone they knew well. At that moment, I felt vulnerable and misunderstood. My feelings were hurt.

But I didn’t bash their character. I told the truth about what happened and shared how I felt about the situation. But apparently, I told it wrong because I didn’t make them look amazing in the light I painted them in.

But here’s the thing: If I didn’t feel the way I did about the situation, why would I go and comment in the first place? Why would I go out of my way to lie about the situation? 

I’m not a fan of drama, and I avoid getting entangled in situations that could lead to it. However, I believe I should be able to express my feelings to a trusted friend if I choose to. 

When the person spoke to me about it, they didn’t acknowledge how I felt. They just discussed what I did wrong and why I misinterpreted the situation. 

But if you truly understood the depth of my emotions, wouldn’t you have responded with empathy instead of criticism?

Instead, the person took only their feelings into account and came after me for it. Because “I was wrong”. 

Can I see where this person is coming from? Sure. Their feelings are valid.

But so are mine. 

I’m not someone who exaggerates a situation or makes another person shine in a poor light if they are not supposed to. That’s not the type of person I am; anyone who knows me well knows this. 

I told the truth, and when this person got painted in a different light because of their actions, they didn’t like that.

So they got defensive and backtracked.

Suddenly, the situation changed, and I was the bad guy. I felt so misunderstood, and it was frustrating.

Don’t get mad at me for the actions you chose to take. I didn’t take them.

I shared my perspective, explaining how the situation deeply affected me, but instead of being validated and understood, I was immediately challenged.

And the situation was made to be about the other person who clearly can do no wrong. 

So, I stepped away from the situation and gave the person their moment. This person clearly knows everything and is perfect — at least, that’s what I understand about the person solely based on this interaction.

Go ahead and tell your side of the story. Be upset that I shared my side. But just remember that I didn’t start this. You did.

Featured image via Drew Coffman on Unsplash