5 Signs Of Abuse Of Power You Should Be Aware Of

In high school, I took college courses through a career center that my school hosted. For as long as I can remember, I wanted to be a firefighter and paramedic. The career center had a fire science program that students could join, and if they took both courses, they would graduate high school with the credentials to start in the field right away. 

I couldn’t pass up this opportunity, so I signed up. When I got accepted, I was so excited to be able to start living my dream. And the program started amazingly, with everything I imagined and more. I learned so much and realized that this was truly my calling. 

But after a few months, everything changed. My dream quickly turned into a nightmare. 

One of the main instructors started to abuse me. At first, he just made inappropriate comments and said things about the way I looked. It made me feel gross, but I brushed it off. Looking back, I should’ve said something right away because it only got worse. He started to abuse me emotionally, physically, mentally, and sexually. 

This abuse lasted almost a year — a year of my life I wish I never lived. 

I was a child and he was a grown man with multiple positions of authority in the community. He was also a teacher and worked at several fire departments. This man used his power to continually abuse me. 

As a child, I had no idea that he was using abuse of power, which is when a person misuses their position of power to take unjust advantage of people or groups.

He did and said many things to justify the abuse. As a victim, I want to share some things I experienced so you know what to look out for if someone uses abuse of power:

1. Intimidation

 This occurs when someone pressures or threatens you into doing something you don’t want to do. My abuser threatened my life, my family’s lives, and my future career. He’d also tell me things like. “If you don’t let me do this to you, I will do it to someone else.” By using these words, he made me believe I was saving others from the horrific abuse I was experiencing. 

2. Manipulation

Manipulation means someone pressures others, sometimes in sneaky ways, to get what they want.  My abuser made me feel like he was the only one I could talk to or trust. He made me think that what he was doing to me was best for me and made me feel guilty. Things I couldn’t change about myself–my hair, my eyes–he used as targets to blame me.  The amount of self-doubt I’ve felt because of him is astounding, and his words kept me silent for months.  

3. Isolation

When an abuser makes the victim feel like they can’t rely on anyone else or seek help, they’re utilizing the isolation tactic. They want you to have to feel dependent on them. My abuser would see me struggling with something regarding school, family, or friendships and would jump in to tell me how horrible they were, would agree with me, and would say things to make me feel like I was alone but would remind me he was there for me. He would make me feel like someone was listening and made me feel less alone. He gained my trust then gradually pushed me out of my comfort zone to abuse me. He did this to gain control of me. If I could only rely on him then he would be safe from me speaking up because I would have no support system to help me. 

4. Physical abuse

Physical abuse is any intentional act causing physical injury or trauma to another person. My abuser would hit me, burn me, kick me, and tape my mouth shut. If I was “good” and listened to him, he wouldn’t punish me. But when I did “bad” things like crying, begging, or ignoring him, he would give me this kind of physical punishment in addition to the sexual abuse that also occurred. 

5. Gaslighting

When someone gaslights you, it means they make you doubt your perceptions, experiences, or understanding of the abuse. My abuser used tactics like this on me,  saying things like “You want this, too,” or “Just give it some time,” or other horrible things like “You’re almost a woman, so act like it. He also tried to convince me that certain things never happened or twist his words to make me feel like what he did to me was my fault. 

For many months I endured abuse of power. This person used their position of authority to silence me, forcing me to endure a lifetime of trauma. And I know I’m not the only one who’s been in this position or is currently experiencing abuse.

What I need you to know is something I wish I knew sooner: you are not alone. 

There is help out there. If you or anyone you know needs help or resources, please reach out to the national domestic hotline or the national sexual assault hotline. 

Photo by Ioann-Mark Kuznietsov on Unsplash