In 2021, I was 30 years old, and I had a medical emergency that led to a near-death experience.
I had a feeding tube placed in my stomach and intestines for nutrition, as my GI system is paralyzed. The portion of the tube that was put in my intestines came up into my mouth when I started vomiting. The tube was at my gag reflex, causing me to vomit repetitively.
I was supposed to be driven to Boston to have the tube repositioned in my intestines. But since it was around the Covid surges, I had to get to the hospital at 5 am for a Covid test and then wait until 3 pm for my tube to be repositioned.
A limo driver drove me 2.5 hours from Maine to Boston while I was puking the whole ride.
I got my Covid test, and then I sat in the waiting area while I puked for hours. When my appointment came around, the doctor looked at the tube and told me he didn’t have the equipment to reposition my tube. I was distraught by this point and asked what I should do. The doctor told me to leave the hospital, walk three blocks down the road, and be admitted to another hospital’s ED.
I must have looked drunk as I walked down the sidewalk, puking into the planters and splattering all over the sidewalk. By the time I got to the other hospital, I was crying. I walked in, opened my mouth so the triage doctor could see the tube, and was told to take a seat.
I was afraid I was going to die. Not because of the tube, not because of the vomiting, just because I had this eerie feeling that I might die.
I was taken back to a room, and the doctors looked down my throat and said interventional radiology would have to replace it the next day. I couldn’t believe I had to wait even longer for care. Then, I started to cry and held out my hand, palm facing up. I closed my eyes, and I begged for my deceased best friend to hold my hand and help me make it through the night. She had passed away a year prior from a heart attack, and I missed her a lot.
As I drifted to sleep, I felt pressure on my hand and knew she was with me.
That night, I had a dream in which I was lying in a hospital bunk bed next to my friend, and there were several other girls in the hospital room with us and many other girls outside the room with feeding tubes. My friend was sharing with me all these decisions that would come up in my life that I had to do differently, or I would die. She showed me the future and told me what to do in every situation.
Then I looked over at her and noticed she was floating above her body and was dying. I thought to open the door and scream for help, but as I went to open the door, I realized another patient had tied their feeding tube around their neck and over the door. If I had opened the door, I would have killed this patient. But if I didn’t open the door, my friend would die.
I thought hard, and then I decided to open the door. As I tried to move towards the door, I realized I was floating too. I was dying.
Suddenly, I was engulfed in the most blissful bath of light. I felt entirely peaceful and ideally at home in heaven. I saw God’s throne and many light-filled angels. It was strange since I didn’t even believe in a god before this happened.
Then I heard nurses and doctors hovering over me, calling my name. I wasn’t responding. My friend looked at me and said, “You’ve gotta go back to your dog. He needs you.” I shot up in bed, panicking and gasping for air. My blood sugar and blood pressure had dropped dangerously low, and the staff was freaking out.
Later that day, I got my tube fixed, and my mom came and picked me up to bring me home. I had survived. But I was all alone with this scary near-death experience.
For how traumatic this near-death experience was, why am I glad I experienced it?
I’m glad I got to see what comes next because my fears have been dissolved. The afterlife is the most peaceful feeling I’ve ever experienced. I’ve never felt so blissful and joyous. I’m not ready to die by any means, but now I don’t have to worry about it when my health gets bad because I know I’ll be okay, safe, warm, at peace, and with all those who have gone before me. And that’s what my near-death experience taught me. I got to see God and change my mindset on how the world works and what it means to die and reincarnate. While I was afraid and helpless, I was also given so many tips on navigating life to live a long life.
My friend is my angel. While I couldn’t save her, she saved me even after passing. We are all here as one. We feel so separate from each other in our individual lives. But we are all connected and working together to move towards the light.
Featured image via Taryn Elliott on Pexels
