I’ve always wondered what ‘a friend’ really means. Does it mean having a companion? Does it mean having a sidekick? Or does it simply mean having someone to vent to? What are friends really for?
In the age of social media, we’re constantly bombarded with people posting pictures of their friends. They may post squad pictures with them at school, in the gym, or on a fancy vacation. Everyone seems to be smiling and enjoying their time in these photos.
However, I’ve always asked myself: What are these friendships like? Do these friends constantly communicate with each other, consider each other’s best interests, and listen to each other talk or complain about life?
Perfect friendships are almost impossible to come by. Or at least I’ve felt that way.
I began questioning the definition of a friend when I entered elementary school. I found it difficult to trust anyone I met wherever I went. Even during recess, I played with myself because I thought my other classmates never had my best interests in mind. Everyone seemed to form groups to share their interests and gossip.
Because of this, I felt excluded and often told others I had no friends.
My fellow classmates would then respond by asking me, “But you talk to a lot of people. Aren’t they your friends?”
As soon as I heard this question, I found it difficult to decipher or explain my interpretation of the meaning of friendship. Even if I talked to many people, I didn’t trust any of these individuals to be a friend. They never knew about my interests because we never formed a connection or bond.
This pattern continued throughout my childhood and adolescence. Although there were times when I was desperate for friends, I never felt the people I often talked to were really my friends. We never shared common interests, and even if we talked to each other, we never came to a mutual understanding.
Now that I’m an adult, I still find it difficult to create friendships with the people around me.
I noticed that people don’t necessarily have my best interests in mind. The ones who do want to be friends with me are often forging a friendship for their own benefit.
Recently, I had to end a friendship with an individual who would constantly put me down, criticize my personal decisions, and blame everything flawed about them on my trauma.
This individual was unwilling to self-reflect, making it difficult for me to continue interacting with them.
So, I ask myself – why is it that most friendships are temporary?
People seem to only want to be around others when they need them. When they don’t need that person, they tend to limit their interactions.
But should we really build friendships on our own needs or wants?
We need to keep in mind the other person’s interests as well. And that’s where many of us fall short. Friendship these days is more of a ‘one-sided’ experience; it’s more about what we can gain instead of what we can give. At this point, it’s not even about sharing memories or adventures. Instead, it’s about catering our own needs to the other person.
However, a good friend can reciprocate your needs and be there for you as much as you are there for them. And those people are difficult to find nowadays.
As society becomes much more competitive, finding true companionship also becomes much more difficult.
But I’m sure that one day, we’ll find the one friend we’ve been looking for.
Featured image via Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels
