To the boy who never talked to me in high school,
You know who you are. Now you’ve grown up, and I no longer know where you are. I don’t even know if you remember me because I was such a different person back then.
It was summer school. I was standing in front of you with a group of girls, and I caught you looking at me from behind. I was disoriented because there were so many people around. But then, I saw you wink at me.
I was taken aback.
No one, not even my ex-boyfriend, had flirted with me like that. I had so many insecurities that seeing you wink at me just confused me.
After that day, I tried to avoid you because I didn’t know why you were trying to flirt. I thought that you were insincere and that you were only trying to mess around with me. I didn’t want to talk to you in case you’d hurt me.
But then, we ended up in history class together. A week later, the teacher assigned me to work on a group project with you and your friends. That project was crazy, and I don’t remember what I learned from it.
Something changed when we worked on that project, though — I realized that you definitely wanted to get to know me. We also went on class field trips together, and when we went to the ROM museum, I saw you try to shuffle towards me.
Other times, I’d mind my own business, work on my assignments, and see you try to approach me. Some of those times, you looked extremely happy. Other times, you looked nervous. But your friends always hung around, seeing if you’d actually talk to me.
I thought that one day, you’d find the courage to talk with me.
I waited. As the days zoomed by, I saw you try to get my attention. I caught you and your friends singing my favourite songs in the hall — and completely butchering them. Other times, I noticed you trying to approach me.
But before long, it was time for me to graduate.
When I walked across the stage and grabbed my diploma, I realized that the two of us never actually got to know each other.
To the boy who wanted to talk to me, sometimes I wonder what would have happened if we had talked. How would we have changed each other’s lives?
But then, I wonder why you genuinely wanted to talk to me. I was pretty unpopular, and other students often bullied me. You and your friends seemed “cooler” than I was. I didn’t think that I would ever have a chance with you.
To the boy who wanted to talk to me, I’m sorry that we never got to have a full conversation. If we ever reconnect, I’m more than willing to talk with you. Maybe we’ll finally get to say what we wanted to share so many years ago.
Featured image via Jeswin Thomas on Unsplash
