We all try to portray an image of who we are, a sense of self shaped by our experiences and how we see ourselves. At the same time, people define us based on their perspective, and those two views don’t always align.
This year, someone decided to tell me what they really thought about me—and wow, did it sting. It wasn’t constructive criticism; it was a direct attack on my character, something I don’t tolerate from anyone.
Here’s the thing: I made a mistake. I had a moment of poor judgment fueled by anger, but my actions weren’t cruel or malicious.
They weren’t even about the person who decided to lash out at me. Yet, they assumed otherwise and used it to attack my integrity. I chose not to engage. I stayed neutral because I recognized that they weren’t seeking a resolution—they wanted a fight, and I wasn’t interested.
And my decision was mine to make. They didn’t have to like it because it wasn’t about them. What frustrates me is their insistence on twisting it into something personal, projecting their assumptions onto my choices, and trying to make it about who they think I am.
Despite the repeated attacks, I stood my ground. I refused to let their words define me and my character.
And let me tell you—this pissed me off. You can be angry with me all you want, but you do not get the right to define me.
I pride myself on being level-headed. I carefully think before I speak or act because I know the ripple effect of impulsive decisions. I’ve been on the receiving end of baseless reactions, so I’m mindful of not doing the same.
For someone to attack me without understanding the full picture is infuriating. It doesn’t matter how long you’ve known me—friend, coworker, boss, whoever—you don’t get to decide who I am. It’s especially the case if you only show up in my life when it’s convenient for you.
You think you know me? No, you knew the *old* me. Who I am now is someone you’ve chosen not to know, and honestly, that’s fine.
At this point, I’m okay with letting you have your outdated perception of me because not everyone deserves access to the person I’ve become. The past year taught me that I have the power to choose who gets to see the new version of me.
I’ve learned to stop caring what others think of me.
After years of letting others’ opinions affect me, I finally realized that the only one I need to please is myself. I love who I am and embrace every part of it.
But the moment you assume you know me better than I know myself, it’s over. Don’t attack my character; your perception of me says more about you than it does me.
And trust me, my vision of who you are is crystal clear now.
We are all in control of who gets a place in our lives. No one is guaranteed a spot—not friends, family, or coworkers. You have the power to decide who stays and who goes.
So, don’t waste your energy if someone tries to tell you who you are. Just tell them, adios.
Featured image via Silvija Slapsyte on Pexels
