If there’s one thing movies about “friends with benefits” have taught us, it’s that it’s hard to have a FWB without someone catching feelings. After all, if you’re attracted to someone enough to want to sleep with them, you definitely have some feelings in the first place. In my current “friends with benefits” situation, though, we’ve both successfully maintained our sexual encounters for over 4 years without feelings.
How have we managed not to slip into the feelings that often break FWBs? Well, for starters, I’m well aware that my FWB and I would never work out.
I know my FWB’s entire dating history, and it doesn’t fit what I’m looking for in a partner.
My FWB has been unfaithful in some of his past relationships, but I’m looking for someone loyal. I can’t stand his family, but I want to feel like part of my future partner’s family. Additionally, my friend group isn’t a fan of my FWB because of his past infidelity, and I want a partner who can clearly communicate more often than my FWB does. In short, I expect more from a partner. I’m looking for someone serious, and my FWB certainly doesn’t fit the bill.
It’s not to say that my FWB isn’t a great guy, because he does have a lot of desirable qualities. I just happen to know the reality of our situation: We have sexual chemistry together, and that’s all.
My FWB and I share an intense sex drive.
To put it bluntly, we really like to f*ck. We’re extremely comfortable with each other and aren’t afraid to communicate our deepest fantasies. We experiment with each other and try things that we wouldn’t feel comfortable doing with anyone else. There is nothing too weird, too scary, or too intense for us to test out. We’ve helped each other learn our kinks, which has helped us spice up our sex lives with the people we want to pursue.
We also share the ability to fearlessly talk about anything and everything.
That way, if we get uncomfortable at any point, we can speak honestly and know that the other person will hear and understand us. Our bond has built up our communication skills and helped us become less afraid of talking to people in all parts of our lives about uncomfortable topics.
The main reason why my FWB and I have lasted as long as we have without a big fallout is that we both know where we stand. Our relationship is like clockwork. He usually messages me first to catch up, and we flirt for a few days Then we hook up and go our separate ways. A few weeks later, the cycle repeats, and that’s just the way it is. Sure, our length of contact might vary or we might send nudes to build anticipation, but we always go through the same cycle.
A lot of people find it odd that aside from initiating our “visits,” my FWB and I don’t really communicate, but our method seems to work for us. Because we aren’t in constant communication, neither of us has a chance to get too attached, we don’t slip up, and no one gets hurt. Plus, not talking builds the tension between us. It makes us crave each other more and get more creative in the bedroom.
Also, my FWB and I value our privacy, which has helped us in the long run.
We keep our stories to ourselves and don’t tell our friends that we hook up in our free time. Not feeling others’ opinions or judgments has made a world of difference in our decision-making process. The lack of judgment also allows us to stay in our own bubble without anyone else influencing us. Our “friends with benefits” situation is our dirty little secret, and we both like it that way.
Sure, the cat-and-mouse game I play with my FWB may seem boring and repetitive, but we spice up our sex life and don’t feel too put off by the awkward moments along the way. If one of us start dating someone, we’re honest, take some time apart, and find our way back to each other when the timing is right.
If you’re in a “friends with benefits” situation, don’t be afraid to do what’s best for you and your partner. Make your own boundaries, communicate openly, and most importantly, have fun!
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