Our society has gotten better about our prejudice against casual sex, especially when it’s women engaging in said casual sex. The Madonna-Whore Complex is still very much alive today in our society. Still, people have been more willing to call it out and point out the inaccuracies and harm of labeling women “whores” simply because they enjoy one-night stands. With more attention brought to sexual consent and how it is crucial to all sexual encounters, it looks like we are adopting better, healthier, and more respectful attitudes toward people engaging in all forms of sex.
But alas, there’s still so much criticism toward the sex-positive movement.
One of the biggest sticking points I’ve seen is how sex-positivity (and feminism as a whole) “endorses” casual sex. I’ve seen countless articles condemn the so-called “hookup culture” that the millennial generation has supposedly embraced. And I’ve seen articles criticize the normalization of casual sex and lament the “good old days” when people only had sex in long-term, monogamous relationships because sex used to be about love, but now it’s not. What’s worse, I’ve seen articles that refer to casual sex as “meaningless,” as if casual sex is inherently meaningless.
What is wrong with casual sex? And why do people care that some women enjoy it?
No one is telling you to have casual sex. Sure, we’re embracing it more. But that’s because it used to be condemned and looked down upon even more than now. Women have faced shame and even violence for not staying “pure.”. The fact that we’re breaking out and owning our desires is something to be celebrated, not condemned.
I like casual sex. I’ve found my personal experiences very exciting.
It’s engaging in an experience with another person where all parties consent. And it’s minding your safety while also having fun. It’s turning someone else on, learning what they like and dislike, and wanting them to experience pleasure as much as you do. And honestly, that sounds pretty fucking wonderful to me.
People say all sorts of things about women in casual sexual relationships. They say that we get “attached” and can’t enjoy sex without love or committed relationships, and the like. I don’t care, especially when people just throw stereotypes around that are barely based on science. Newsflash: Women and men aren’t as different as you say they are just because they’re two different genders. We’re not monolithic.
I’ve made my intentions known and hooked up with people who respect that. In those experiences, I never wanted a long-term relationship at the time—I just wanted sex. And when I was done, I wasn’t thinking about the other person regarding long-term relationships. We both wanted the same thing and both enjoyed ourselves. That’s all that matters.
I have nothing against people who want long-term relationships.
Honestly, I have nothing against people who don’t enjoy casual sex but would rather have sex in the context of a relationship. I don’t, and never will, have a problem with people having different sexual experiences than me because of their values, desires, and needs. I am, however, against the notion that I can only have “meaningful” sex in a relationship.
Most of all, I’m against anyone who tells women that they have to have sex in a way they deem socially acceptable.
I don’t know why people are so caught up in women’s sexual lives. Who cares what I do with my body, with another person? Again, I will reiterate: if it’s consensual and safe, it’s none of your damn business how I’m having sex or who I’m having sex with. If anything, you should be excited that I and so many other women are at a place where we feel comfortable expressing our sexual desires. We’ve come a long way from slut-shaming and virgin-praising. And although we still have ways to go, we’re more liberated than before.
The bottom line? Women should feel comfortable expressing their sexual desires in a way that’s consensual, safe, and fun. How that looks is no one else’s business.
Originally published on Giving Room Mag
Photo by freestocks on Unsplash
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