I Now Realize You Were Never My Friend

I had a friendship end a couple of years ago. It was a friendship I had never seen ever ending. We had a bond like no other, and I sometimes wonder how it ended like this. But now that I’ve reassessed the situation, I’ve lost the attachment  I had. I see the friendship differently, realizing this person was never really a friend. 

When I think back to our relationship, I realize how unconnected we were. I felt we were close, but I always kept my guard up with this person. I never really showed them who I was because I wasn’t sure how they would react.

The thing with me is that I’m a pretty quiet person. 

It takes a long time for me to open up to people, and when I do, I’m locked in with you. Considering how long we’d been friends, you’d think I had this rapport with this person. But looking back, they never saw that side of me. 

This person wanted me to act differently than I was. They always told me that I was “too quiet.” It hurt hearing that; I adored them for who they were, and they should have given me the same treatment.

But I realize they never got my entire version – I wasn’t comfortable enough to show them. Something in me didn’t allow me to show my entire self to this person. 

I also look back and think about how often this person ignored me. How can you be friends with someone for so long, yet when you’re in a room with them, all you say is, “Hey?” How can you speak to the others in the room, leaving out the person you claim you’re close with? How can you get excited to see other people enter a room but ignore the person there? 

I still don’t fully understand it, and I don’t think I ever will. But I know how you treat people, which says a lot about you. 

To this person, I was a convenient friend for the entire time. I was just there when they needed someone to talk to. 

I was never their first choice as a friend, and they didn’t try to include me in their life unless it benefited them. 

At the time, I convinced myself they were busy, or maybe I was overthinking things. I rationalized every slight and dismissed every neglected feeling I had. But now, with some distance, it’s clear. They weren’t the friend I thought they were. 

It hurts to admit it, but the truth is that this person only valued our friendship when it was convenient for them.

I’ve grown a lot since the friendship ended. Now, I’m not attached to the idea of what we used to be or what I thought we could be. Instead, I’ve learned to value genuine friendships, the ones where I don’t have to question whether I’m important to them or not. I’ve surrounded myself with people who see me and appreciate me for who I am – not who they want me to be. 

That’s been the biggest lesson — real friends don’t make you feel small. They don’t make you feel like you need to change who you are to be accepted. 

And I’m grateful for that. I’ve gotten clarity to build more meaningful connections with the people who matter. I no longer waste my energy on relationships that don’t uplift me. Now, I know my worth and that I deserve friends who are just as invested in me as I am in them.

While the end of this friendship was difficult, it was also necessary. It was a part of my journey, and I wouldn’t change it. Ultimately, I didn’t lose a friend — I lost someone who never valued me. And that’s okay. It’s better to let go of what wasn’t real than hold onto a friendship only I  worked on.

In moving on, I am making space for new connections, including people who accept me for who I am. The right people won’t ask you to be anything other than yourself. They won’t make you feel like you’re not enough. And that’s the kind of friendship I want moving forward.

Featured image via Leah Newhouse on Pexels