“Oh honey, I’m sorry, but (s)he’s holding you back.” You wouldn’t believe how many times I’ve said this line – whether to other people or personally to myself. There comes a point when you need to accept that you and someone close to you aren’t on the same page anymore and it’s just time to let go. If you don’t, then that person is going to keep you from moving forward and going where you need to be.
I had a series of these realizations right before I accepted my offer to attend my university, which is located over 3,000 miles away from my hometown. I was ready to put myself out there and have new adventures, while it felt like most of the people in my life were comfortable staying where they were. Suddenly I realized I wasn’t on the same wavelength as everyone else – this ‘everyone else’ being the majority of my family, friends, and even my romantic interest.
College is supposed to be the time of your life and I couldn’t begin this new chapter with unnecessary baggage weighing me down.
It was to be expected, for sure. When you make a big decision to move somewhere completely different, you can’t expect other people to be on board and announce they’re coming with you. But, just because the people around me didn’t want to move with me, didn’t mean they weren’t on the ‘same page’ as me. Most of my family and friends supported my decision and, while things have changed, it hasn’t resulted in us needing to let go of our relationship. However, there were a couple relationships during this time that I knew wouldn’t be compatible with the direction I was going. Whether the person wasn’t supportive of my decision or that our lifestyles just didn’t mesh anymore, it depended on the individual relationship. But the common factor was that I needed to let go of these relationships holding me back. I couldn’t have them in my life and still pursue these new experiences that I wanted so badly. College is supposed to be the time of your life and I couldn’t begin this new chapter with unnecessary baggage weighing me down. I made several difficult decisions to let go of some people I never thought I would and I wouldn’t change a thing.
The first few months will be the worst…but give it time.
There’s no point in trying to sugarcoat it; it’s incredibly hard to let go of any relationship. All the memories will remain with you; the good ones become brighter and the bad ones fewer and farther between as time passes. The first few months will be the worst. When I moved, I was a semi-wreck for the first semester as I tried to adjust to my new life. While I loved everything about my school and didn’t regret my decision, I missed the familiarity of old faces. Trying to form new relationships wasn’t as easy as the movies make it out to be and it took me a whole year until I felt completely comfortable in my new home. Even though I was desperate for that old sense of comfort and familiarity at first, the more time I spent having new experiences and letting others in meant that longing got weaker.
Don’t let anyone hold you back. You’ll end up regretting not ending things and discovering what else is out there. If you’re clinging to a relationship just because it’s all you know then it’s not worth it. You just have to take a step and move on without them. There isn’t any villain when two people aren’t on the same page; it’s just how life happens. If someone can’t support you or isn’t compatible with your lifestyle, it doesn’t make them a bad person. But you will become the bad person if you can’t let go of something that is already gone.
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