When ever my dog does something wrong, he gets in trouble. He knows when he’s been bad, always scurrying away to hide in the bathtub with his long tail stuck between his legs. What he doesn’t know, though, is why he’s being punished for it. This makes me sad, always wondering how this poor pup could be reprimanded for something he didn’t even know he was doing wrong. “How could you yell at him?” I’ll say, “he doesn’t even know that what he did was bad!” I constantly stick up for him, hoping that my parents could see it the way I do. Sitting on my high horse because I believe my dog is innocent, my dog is good. I’m too much of a pushover to discipline him. I want to believe he is always good. And that’s when I realized that I’m not just like that with him, but with everyone.
I want to believe everyone is good.
I thought back to being a little girl, watching soap operas with my grandma. There was a scene where my favorite character got murdered, and I got upset, as anyone would. Yet, I kept telling myself that the man who killed her was good, because he knew her. He didn’t know what he was doing, he’s still a good person, I thought. He’ll feel bad about it later on.
But I didn’t know that, unlike me, not everyone feels bad about their wrongdoings. Not everyone repents like that. Not everyone forgives. Not everyone is like me.
You see, I have this tragic flaw, my ultimate downfall: I never look to see the bad in someone.
I trust too much, forgive too easily, and I overlook mistakes. When you ditch me? It’s okay, you had something important to do. When you don’t invite me to something but tell me all about how much fun you had? Maybe you just forgot to text me. I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt. You’re still a great friend. I’ll let it slide. And let it slide I do. Every. Single. Time.
You’re probably sitting there thinking, “Are you CRAZY? Stop speaking to them. They don’t deserve your friendship,” but my heart will never allow this.
This tragic flaw of mine puts me at a great disadvantage. The problem with being the person who sees the good in everyone is that I’m constantly letting people walk all over me, and I honestly believe they didn’t mean to. I let all the good I thought existed in someone overshadow all the pain I received when they would let me down. In my mind, no one meant to cause me any pain; they just didn’t know any better.
My English teacher senior year of high school gave us what seemed like the easiest essay prompt I’d ever gotten:
“Are all humans born inherently good, evil, or blank slates?”
Well, I tried to think logically, people are influenced by their surroundings, so I guess blank slates. I began to write my essay, but I just couldn’t put my heart into it, as logic was never my strong suit. I had no internal knowledge to back up my claim. Why? Because my claim wasn’t what I wanted to believe about people. I wanted to believe that we are inherently good.
I accept half-assed excuses, forgive old friends and ex-boyfriends who have mistreated me, and laugh it off when someone insults me. That’s who I am.
I’m going to continue to see the good in people, because that’s who I am. However, I’m not going to let it affect the way people treat me. I shouldn’t let people who hurt me off the hook just because they have a cute smile or because we have three classes together, or even because we’ve been friends for years. If I let you walk all over me now, you’ll continue to do so for as long as you know you’re able to. I am worth more than I know, and I will not lessen my worth by continuously allowing people to think they can take advantage of how nice I am.
Put yourself first. Put your worth first. I always see too much good in others, but I’m going to start looking for the good in myself.
Featured image via arya reddejavu on Pexels
I resonate with your entire article.
And to add on, I find myself acknowledging the rudeness and blatant disrespect give me but whenever I reciprocate the same energy I feel soooooo bad/guilty and I don’t know. It’s like yeah you deserve the same treatment but I understand in a deeper context that hurt people hurt people and I don’t want to contribute to the hurt that person is already battling with.
I just isolate myself from people but it’s unhealthy.
I guess for people like us, experience is the only way to see truth and accept people for exactly who they are. No excuses no matter how much we wish they could see the goodness within themselves.
But more so we need to reflect on why we wish to see the good in people. Is it for a unconscious selfish expectation, fear of confrontation or do we truly see the good in people.
Wow! i could easily say you had written this story about me. I have never met anyone like me in this regard, and i have not ever considered that i could research this subject and oithers on google, i just dont think about knowing more on it i guess. and yes it feels like a curse much of the time because you are correct about how we know we will be let down at the start but we are so loyal to our beliefs that altering them seems impossible. i could speak many more words but i must get back to my work. thank you for bringing this out to the open, this was and is needed for many poeple who have felt alone in this world since our earliest memories. Sincerely. Leslie A. B.
It’s nice to see someone else has similar feelings, that I’m not the only one. But I don’t find it’s that I let people walk all over me… it’s that I would stick up for that persons values and kindness, to be deceived by darker skeletons in their closet.. I don’t mean white lies etc I know no one is perfect.. but discovering these immoral lines to be crossed that shouldn’t be by any human being.
When I discover these traits about someone the disappointment shreds and claws at my organs. It piles on this “lost faith in humanity” feeling , and it’s always so heavy to carry…
Even with that, I start second guessing myself.. Am I too soft for this world ? How can I trust my instincts if all I wish to see is good and never the evil behind them? How can I trust myself to not end up in a situation that damages my character?
Idk maybe these are thoughts I only have. Is it being too naive? Am I just stupid for thinking most are good natured like we live in some fairy tail?? It feels like a curse. Like I don’t belong in this world. What is the point of having such a dangerous trait ?
I feel this so deeply. I am currently is a situation where I have started to question if my ability to see good and want nothing but happiness for people is actually a toxic trait. Because its gotten me nowhere fast. It seems as tho because I am a nice person, I am resented for it. And its thrown in my face.