My New Year’s resolution this year was giving up dating. There were several reasons that made me come to this big decision. It wasn’t easy, I promise, because I’m a pretty big flirt. Our generation has a pretty hard time dating, and one thing I hear constantly is how guys ruin it. I have been in two relationships during the past year so I didn’t have to deal with dating scene that much. I have noticed how disrespectful the guys are. You feel like nothing more than a piece of ass sometimes and it honestly hurts your soul. Even though you try not to take it personal, it’s hard. It’s hard when men are simply not nice and treat you like shit. This kept happening to me while I was single and I finally got fed up. I was done with guys.
Every guy I casually dated, or flirted it up with was fun… Until they realized they had to put in effort and actually get to know me. It wasn’t worth waiting for them, and they soon left. Every time I was disappointed. Every time I felt like shit. Every time I felt like there was something wrong with me. I felt like I was constantly being rejected. I just couldn’t do it anymore. I couldn’t take the disrespectful guys. The guys that expect you to put out on a third date. The guys who want to just Netflix and chill.
So guess what? I gave it up. I gave up sending flirty texts to guys. I gave up searching for a boyfriend. I gave up giving up my number. I’ve been completely single since the last time I can remember.
The relationships I had been in weren’t the best for my self-esteem. I’ve learned from my relationships and don’t regret them. But, instead of walking away feeling loved, I felt teased, mistreated, angry, and hurting. The guys had used me for what they needed, and when I was no longer of use to them, they left. It hurt and there is still it a numbing feeling looking back. I knew I couldn’t keep living like this. I knew I didn’t want to be hurt, second guessing everything, and wondering when the next guy will cheat on me. My heart couldn’t take it anymore. I could feel my heart was broken and unable to heal.
It didn’t matter if they were “good guys,” or the famous “not like other guys.” This was too much for me. I was done being disrespected. I just knew it was time to focus on myself. I needed to put myself first because at the end of the that’s really all who I have. I started to think about all the things I wanted in the next year. I had so many big dreams. I have so much to accomplish and goals to achieve before, and guys always come in the way. Usually I would put my aspirations on the back burner.
It’s amazing being the only person I have to impress. I’m not let down anymore. I’m not disappointed. I’m not disrespected because it’s just me. I plan to do this for a year, but who knows maybe I’ll like it so much it will be longer. It’s actually a great feeling knowing you control your happiness. You don’t have to rely on a guy, and he can’t ruin your amazing day.
This isn’t about giving up on love forever or saying guys are the devil. It’s about listening to your heart, and knowing when to take a break. Even when you might really enjoy what you’re doing. My heart needed a break and I didn’t want to be jaded. I didn’t want to become cold-hearted. So I knew I had to give it up for a while.
If any of this sounds familiar, I encourage you to the same. If someone was mean to you, if someone hurt you, or you’re just tired of it all. It’s okay to stop. Because one day a person will walk into your life and it will all make sense. You’ll never look back, and you’ll be glad you waited for that person.
Featured Image via Unsplash
Maybe you needed to take care and think about the man’s needs as well as your own. Witholding sex deprives a man from physical needs. It has been labeled as a form of emotional abuse. And can we honestly expect men to put in work but women don’t want to do the same amount of work? There are many good men out there but like yourself both sides need to compromise, not be selfish or abuse traditional dating power and work to satisfy each other’s needs.
No
BS man… These needs that men have are call expectations… men need to chill out.. this rush to sleep with come one is gross… here is why I say this… For me.. before I even consider touching a women I need to know her hygiene practices… is she gross? Does she smell… how about that breath… what about them feet… do they sink… does she keep that ass clean?
I mean we are human and we can all stink… but we don’t have to… so in that time you get to know her and she gets to know you.. Hell does she think I stink?
How does she smell after a good work out… can she deal with my small after tennis(which I smell great btw}
so the bs about sex after knowing someone for such a short time is gross to me..
The last time I was with a lady friend I got to know here and it took about 2 years and a real friendship developed… as I don’t the girlfriend thing.
I agree with Anonymous, you have to get to know someone first (their hygiene and habits) instead of just trying to find out how they are in bed. I am a woman and I do not make it easy for a man to get me like that. If I am worth getting to know and wait for when I am ready to take that step with him, he would be willing to work for it if he is a good and decent man. That is messed up just to think that women are sex objects and nothing more. We have all been hurt, but that is no excuse to treat the good ones like crap. One person does not speak for the rest of the opposite sex. There are some women like me that respect themselves and do not give it up shortly after dating for a little while. Sleeping around can only guarantee that you will catch something that you can’t get rid of.
Wow, this is a garbage response.
You are yet another misogynistic man and the reason this author and many other women who are SANE have given up on “men.” You have yet again proven that men “love” nothing but their own dicks. Congrats.
And women love nothing but my wallet…. so touché…..
Who gives a shit about what men need anymore lol
Clearly, not sexist men hating assholes like you?
Why was your immediate assumption that the man was denied sex and that it was the reason why she was not treated as she deserved?
“………..Because one day a person will walk into your life and it will all make sense. You’ll never look back, and you’ll be glad you waited for that person.”.
Just accept that you may remain single forever. This article must have been written by someone young who still believes in Love and Happy Ever afters. Wake up, Cinderella – it may not be a prince that wakes you up, it may be the need to have a pee. Get over the “it’s bad now but magically it will be good one day”. That’s rubbish.
“Reality Check” is right on the money. She/He is correct. There’s a very real possibility that you will never meet anyone and your new “fairytale” will be as a single woman with a great career splitting her time between Provence and Zurich (sounds like a better life to me than being married!). Not dating again or ever getting married should be seen as a blessing. not a curse or a death sentence. Take this life as an opportunity to be useful to the world around you; acquire skills that you can leverage into a job w/ a lucrative paycheck; earn an degree in an impressive subject (Applied Math? Civil Engineering?) There’s a new manifest destiny for women of this day and age, and it’s a MUCH brighter future than fixing your make believe “prince” his favorite waffles every Sunday morning. Forget dating, forget marriage, that ship is never coming into the harbor and you should REJOICE that freedom, not wait with bated breath.
Geez that just sounds freaking terrible… Everyone doesnt matter , men or women , and I mean everyone needs “somebody” in thier own miserable lives… just saying. A life spent alone is not a life at all…
I believe you. Some people are just destined to be mistreated. I’m a guy and women HATE me. I’m 30+ years old and I’m not a masculine man and women from a young age since puberty have always hated me, picked on me, and betrayed me. I’ve never had a girlfriend as most women have been disgusted by me. I’ve been stabbed in the leg, kneed in the groin, betrayed, and called names all by the women that were closest to me (child-hood friends). As soon as they all hit puberty they turned against me. I’m a traditional guy who wants a large family, I’m a virgin and would remain until marriage, I’ve never done drugs, or smoked. I have no police record, I own my own business and work at a law office. Weather I want to be friends with a woman or peaceful co-workers they seem to attack me. The same way men attack masculine feminist women who are independent, women attack nurturing “calm chilled” men who aren’t masculine enough for their standards. I’ve given up too. I’m saving up for a surrogate so I can have a family by myself. I’m literally broken and don’t trust women. I know they’re not all like that, but I seem to be attracting all the ones that are just like that. Here’s to the single life. *cheers*
Wow,Nate! I have NEVER seen it so aptly put. When men say things like this, they are accused of being “entitled” or accused of believing that the world somehow “owes them women” or accused of believing that women somehow “owe” them their bodies. For so many of us, trying to respect women, trying to “play the game” and looking forward to being a good companion and partner was just a pipedream.
I blame no one, just call it life. Some well-meaning women will give token encouragement for being a good and decent person, but you know that they are saying this from left field. God gave me a GREAT life, and it is my great satisfaction to help others not as fortunate, but just like yourself, qualities I may have are just not in demand for the opposite sex. Best wishes!
i love fem men
Do thyey make good doormats for you?
sad to say but welcome to 2019 where feminazi’s final solution to men is genocidal annihilation of anything with a pair of balls and a penis, this shitty dark world is only going to get darker… :\
Stop blaming everything on feminists, asshole men made us into the proud bitches we are today.You made your bed, now you have to lie in it:).
“where have all the good men gone?”
The short answer: They’re afraid of you.
But don’t worry, the overconfident narcissists and borderline sociopaths are still interested
best comment ha ha
Keep believing what you want to believe, to help your fragile self esteem. But the truth is the typical woman these days is not attractive to a good man. We’re not afraid of you; we’re disgusted by you.
You are such a lovely guy and we’re just so enamoured of you, John.
The typical man nowadays is a fat ugly porn addicted slob
Where have all the good men gone? They are in a relationship with all the good women.
good men pfft doesnt exist in the eyes of modern day women turned femnazis… i mean its pretty much the ghost third reich were living in… sorry for sounding ridiculous but this is the culture we live in now.
I am a 31 year old guy who gave up on dating. Modern dating sucks and most everyone does it for the wrong reasons. Mostly it’s because I hate the mind games. All I seem to find are the psychotic ones.
My only real options at this age are women with kids (I’d like my own family and this may seem rash, but I don’t want to raise someone else’s kids and deal with ex or parent drama), women with baggage, or women with serious mental problems. The ones without all of this stuff are happily married by now or I can’t find where they all hide. I’ve looked.
I give up, I quit. Never again. On to focus on my dog, house, and career.
This story is just like any other American Woman fairy tale. It’s boring and sums up what 98% of American women chase after….The Alpha Male who treats them like shit, uses them and then kicks them to the curb. But hey, that’s what American women want right? I am 43, I know what I am talking about. It’s not like I am some stupid 19 year old who is still confused if he should have been born a woman or a man. Honestly, the only choices I have at this age are the desperate ones, Bi-Polar ones, etc. There are no good ones left. Like Kyle Alley said (The ones without all of this stuff are happily married by now or I can’t find where they all hide. I’ve looked.)
This is so damn true and I am 12 years older for crying out loud. American women have lost it when it comes too love. They are not interested in real love anymore. If your not that alpha perfect male making 250K per year, forget it.
Me, I am just going to see about doing a marriage of convenience and see what I can get out of it. Plenty of women need green cards. At least then I can have her for two years and when she has her permanent residency, kick her to the curb. 99.7% she won’t do it for love anyhow.
So yeah, I am done with the bullshit games. Why date some over weight tatted up slob and be stuck in a rut when I can choose my mate for two years.
Thanks American Feminism or Feminazis, JOB WELL DONE!
Matt, you ARE the guy that Lindsey is writing about. You seem angry, entitled, “never wrong”, and quite willing to act like an a-hole, if that helps you achieve YOUR needs. Women are completely turned off by your crap and that’s why women aren’t interested in you. It’s not that there’s something wrong with them. There is something really wrong with you, but you’re too wrapped in yourself to notice.
Stats:
34. In shape with relatively healthy diet. Classically trained musician. Successful analyst job with energy company. Funny (small youtube channel). Nerdy. Lover of 90s alternative/grunge and pop punk rock. Divorced with 1 AMAZING kid. Excellent sense of style. Black. Biggest desire – To be a family man.
Looking For:
30-36. Works out. Intelligent. Likes (not just tolerates) my taste in music. Fun. Kind. Understanding.
With stats like that, why would a guy like me give up on dating? Did you see that part in my stats where I mention that I’m black? It’s funny because the women I’m interested in are looking for a guy JUST LIKE ME…except for the black skin thing. Literally that is the ONLY thing that fuels their rejections. Honestly. Get on OKCupid or POF and see how many of those profiles say, “Sorry, no black guys,” or “White guys only,” or “Everyone has preferences. I’m not racist, but…”
You can talk about men being pigs all you want. But until you admit that you will reject a great guy because of his skin color, I won’t hear your complaints.
He’s just pissed off because 20 year old “hotties” won’t fuck him anymore lol
ya know, race and sex discrimination is not only both major problems… so is age discrimination… 18 to young 20s something girls , dont want old 30 something year old dicks… just the facts, and from personal experience… :\
I am very respectful to women on dates. Don’t push for sex. You know whatt I get in return? The women disappear. I don’t get it! They seem so interested, and then I don’t hear from them again.
I’m a little late to the discussion but writing is cathartic for me so here it goes. Im your typical nice guy and last year my wife left me because she realized she didn’t love me after 10 years of marriage. So I’ve tried dating and it’s been a disaster. Im courteous and nice to women and I’ve never been on a second date. I think I’m pretty interesting but I fail constantly. My friend is a jerk to women and has infinitely more luck than I have. I don’t get it. He treats them terribly but they flock to him. So I decided that I’m going to stay single because it’s less painful than rejection over and over again in dating.
i know the feeling, and ya know i honestly i think theres something with women in general… why would like a jerk that treats them like shit, unless they look like Tom freaking Brady or Chadwick Bwosman
but woman are stupid, just as stupid as us poor nice guy men i suppose for falling for them like fools.
Wow a lot of bashing towards women and the author. I think the author’s point is that she needs time for herself before she can be happy, healed and ready to try again. How do the negative male posters know that these men are the alpha jerk types? I’ve dated a variety of men in the looks/confidence department and guess what…both can disrespect women! Sometimes nice guys who aren’t 10s just want sex too or lack the ability to be a caring partner. I was married to the “nice guy beta type” for 17 years. Attraction wise I was out of his league but he won me over in many other ways and soon I was finding him attractive. He had a lot of deep rooted insecurities, and I found out cheated heavily over the years to feel better about himself. I loved him and was always loyal? No amount of love or support could fix that…he needed to work on himself and become more confident. So no dating/marrying a beta type doesn’t always work out nor does dating the alpha type. Actually, some of the better more respectful relationships I’ve been in, were with alpha types. Why? Because they didn’t have have a ton of insecurity…which a lot of men on here are screaming that they have. Women like confident men with strong personalities…not necessarily jerks. A beta can be very attractive to a woman if he works on his confidence. If you’re a nice guy, beta type, and you haven’t been successful with dating, maybe you need to take a break like the author and figure out why? Stop blaming the opposite sex and figure out why you’re being mistreated or ignored by women. A big thing I’ve noticed, is a lot of Beta types, who are maybe not the best looking, figure they should have a highly attractive woman based on their job or what a great guy they figure they are. Maybe you’re trying to date out of your league? Attraction doesn’t always work that way. It can sometimes, but you better have a lot of confidence and ability to meet a woman’s needs (ex. not filled with insecurities and loathing) to pull that off or be prepared for a gold digger that doesn’t actually like you! I detest people that blame the opposite sex. I think the author was clear, she’s not guy bashing, she just feels she deserves self confidence and healing before she finds the right guy. Good for her. I’m sure her article will resonate with a lot of women. Not because we’re feminists, but human beings that deserve to be with somebody we are compatible with or have improved self-esteem as a single woman. Personally, I’very been up to the same as the author and also feel great about myself. If I do wind up dating again, I hope to find a beta/alpha as confident as I am with something to share. So beta women bathers, take a look in the mirror and figure out your own inner demons before you write off the opposite sex. It’s very obvious that insecurity may be a big part of your problems. Cheers to the author and good luck!
Two Responses here sum it up pretty well “don’t make men wait for sex, it’s emotional abuse” and “I don’t want any of the women available to me because they have baggage, kids, etc.”
Check any dating site statistics, men want younger women who give them lots of sex. Period. It’s all about one thing for them.
That’s why I gave up. I’ve got so much more to offer than what’s between my legs. Until a man is interested in me and not just what they can get from me, I’m done.
I’ve found that this attitude exists almost exclusively in two places, if you’re actively dating:
– bars and nightclubs
– online dating
I don’t “date” anymore myself; I don’t look for available men anywhere; I don’t label myself as “single.” I do what I like, tend to my responsibilities, dress as I wish, and go from there. If I meet an available man at one of the places I frequent, I’ll take the time to get to know him – and because there’s no alcohol around and the computer screen is not in between us, fostering the illusion of intimacy, I’ve found that men actually like this way of doing things, too. We start as friends and feel each other out. Everyone feels happier this way.
More specifically, I’d warn people to stop dating online and meeting people in bars.
Also, as a thirtysomething, I haven’t found that my age or the fact that I’m a parent is an impediment to dating: I attract men of all ages, as young as 19 to as old as 51! The “I don’t date parents” attitude or “I want young girls” (whatever constitutes as young) comes from the pickiness that internet dating brings out of all of us.
One more time: Stop dating online. You’ll all be happier: men AND women.
I can really identify with this. You see, I’ve returned to my “hermit” lifestyle and given up on dating females. Dating sites alone are jokes where you’re judged, mocked, and manipulated.
I’ve been stood up so many times by these smart phone junkies it’s a joke, so I won’t discuss it.
The Last female in my life was just as undependable, unreliable, and unstable that you would laugh; though she actually did love me–at a certain level. How does one deal with a woman who constantly changes her mind and can’t even decide on her next Meal–and would in all likelyhood change her mind once deciding? Someone whom you wait for all day to meet you for lunch on the weekend and keeps putting it off via endless excuses (resulting in my skipping lunch on the whim that she May allow me to take her out to lunch somewhere–and of course I would pay the bill and the tip). Then there was the backwards, weak-minding “thinking” I had to deal with…
Being a secular scientist, however, I had to tolerate her “spooks from the sky” quirks to no end. I had no problem with that, until she confessed that she blew nearly $300 on a psychic–but it wasn’t her fault, she believed, the psychic simply couldn’t fit her into the schedule!
This woman lived paycheck to paycheck always blowing her money on petty things, was taking care of a 10 year old daughter (who threatened to kill me several times) and blamed me for believing in Science and not Spirits…
I on the other hand, being logical and always thinking ahead, planning for the future, saving money…have 0 debt and am financially independent. I’m all set to settle down.
She refused to cohabitate with me.
Better off alone than with a crazy mate!
Good for her, if she refused to cohabitate without marriage.
I’m I guy and here is why I’m giving up on dating…sort of. I’m half awake at the moment and have no idea if this will make scenes or not.
So let me start by saying that I am long past that screw everything that moves phase of my life and in general never really had that phase. I started dating because I was actually looking for a real relationship. As crazy as it might sound I was looking for a honest connection with someone on every level and not just a one night stand. I wanted everything that came with a relationship, even that emotional stuff that a lot guys seem to be scared of.
So I put myself on two dating sites and putting in as much effort as I could to hopefully meet someone. I talked to a few women and even had some pretty great dates. But I also got plenty of rejection and was stood up more than a couple times. After putting in a bunch of effort and feeling like nothing was ever going to change, the whole thing started to wear me down. It got to the point where I would go weeks without visiting a dating site and pretty much stopped asking women out. Today, I have closed my dating site accounts and cleared my phone of all the phone numbers of women I have dated. Because it’s becomes extremely clear that my heart simply isn’t in it anymore.
I have always been happy and content on my own. All dating did was add a bunch of frustration and some sadness into my life, that I can frankly do without. So, I’m going back to being a lone wolf. Simply because I know after a few days, I will be happy and content again.
Get a dog mate!
I can relate to both sides. It’s tough.
I’m in my mid 30s – I have recently found my “alpha” side. I’m very talented, building a small business and taking care of my daughter in a joint custody. I also have my flaws that I need to work on every day. I’ve been through a lot and realized how precious life is. I’m at a point where I can attract pretty women no problem, but I respect the art of self-control. I have a beautiful craft that that I’m growing. More importantly, I have a precious young daughter that I set good examples for. An easy lay can spell a lifetime of disaster.
Men; it’s tough. The best thing I can suggest is start finding your god-given purpose. You have to learn it, its the very gifts you use to ad to the world and something you gravitate towards. We are all given unique gifts. They will make room for you! That’s the first step. Most people get indonctrinated by the media and financial institutions to do what they think is best. There is no A for effort in the real world either.
Self-control requires confidence and patience. If somebody doesn’t like me or thinks negatively of me I simply wish them the best. No matter how hurt you get, you are responsible for educating yourself and showing restraint in your actions. It’s too easy to hate on all women and get caught up in the ever-so-popular gender war. I lost a beautiful woman recently because I was an arrogant jerk. Did I say screw all woman, they are all the same? No! I learned my lessons, opened my heart even more and can’t wait to try again in time as the improved me. I will not blame women for what didnt work out in my life. A true man learns from his mistakes and takes the bull by the horns. This applies to alphas and betas. The true alpha knows this, and also watches out for betas and helps them strengthen. They don’t stomp on them. This is 2017, not 4000BC.
As for women; I’m a male. It’s impossible for me to know what it’s like to comment on life experiences from a female
perspective (this goes for both sexes). I can only suggest the same thing. Learn from your mistakes, put positive elemenets in your life, find your God- given purpose, be willing to hold out on sex for marriage if possible and love your man as he would you with honor. Seek honorable men, it’s your responsibility.
To Both sexes: A woman who puts out will only attract men who want cheap thrills. Dogs can pick up that scent. Men who abuse and play on women do major damage to a woman’s psyche. This can jeapordize her future and future good men she may encounter. It works both ways.
Take a stand. Pour out love for life. Stop blaming and fight the good fight! We need to start taking Responsibility if we’re to ever make change.
Start today!
This gender war seems to exist only on the internet. I honestly haven’t encountered it in person (save for the opinions of drunks when I was bartending).
Either a lot of people are hiding this, or only the bitter, hateful types are whining to the internet. Hmm….
You only see what you want to see and can see; working in a male dominated field I can assure you men are fed up……
Absolutely love the part where wait to have sex after marriage. That’s what I am doing. Oh, and I am a girl – so I realized that men will lie to get sex. I am not saying all of them, but a lot of them do. They will also waste u time if you sleep with them, but they don’t intend to marry you but they will waste u time, so they won’t lose the sex part.
Girls be wise. Wait till marriage and test men. If a man is not willing to invest time, money, emotions into a relationship why do you need him?
I’m alllllll done with dating. It’s too painful and I’ve been trying for way too long..I don’t trust anymore. I’m not saying forever (although it feels that way)! But I’m ok with it, I’m a full time nursing student and single mom and am way too busy as it is. I’m going to start loving me for now. Peace out!
I am a 39 year old single female, never married, no kids and here is what I learned.
Not everyone is meant to experience marriage, longterm committed relationships or have
the gift of raising and nurturing the next generation.
There is no one right person you are meant to be with. There are plenty more fish in the sea, but unless you have abundant time and energy to swim, these fish will swim past you. Over 35 the game is pretty much over for women to be considered a catch.
At some point – for me it was 34 – you have to acknowledge and accept that life has dealt
you a certain set of cards due to the choices you have made over the years that have resulted in your singlehood. Yes, its my fault.
I accept FULL responsibility for it. I clearly lacked the skills, allure, personality required to attract a partner.
However,
I am done blaming the opposite sex.
– I used to be angry that men were stupid and had poor choice. They have a right to their choices just as I do.
Who am I to judge them? I don’t hate men. I find them baffling and wish I knew what behaviours would make one of them want to have a relationship with me.
I am done feeling bad about my appearance.
– I may not be super slim with perfect skin and no body hair. But I’m not that bad. Size 10 on a good day.
While I may still not feel totally comfortable exposing my body in the public swimming pool, I’m not hiding away anymore.
I’m done blaming my dysfunctional family for me being the way I am.
– They did the best they could and I am proud of them. It’s not their fault men do not consider me to be a potential partner.
That one is down to me.
I am done feeling jealous of others.
– I have watched friends and former colleagues develop wonderful families of their own. Good for them! I’ll never know what that feels
like so instead of feeling bitter and sad, I am going to channel that energy into something that bring other positive things into
my single life. I have a highly paid job that can afford me the luxury of being financially independent and not have to worry about how to pay bills/rent.
I have accepted that I am not attractive to men. Not their type, and/or perceived to be too busy with my career.
This was a hard fact to accept; but I have. I am not like most people who have full and lived personal lives. They have different skills to me. I observe them but I am not one of them. On first looks I could be seen to be one of them.
I need time out from people and to sit in the dark to have peace. The majority of my 30s was spent coming to terms with this. I have found peace with this way of existence.
I am aware that I feel physically sick when I am attracted to someone. Attraction builds over weeks and months. I now knowthat when I have this feeling I need to turn my attention to something else quickly because these deep feelings are NEVER reciprocated. 20 years experience has taught me this.
They are dopamine stories I make up in my head. I cause my own distress. You do it to yourself, just you. You and no one else.
Three men have commented, without knowing me that well, that I have been hurt in the past. So I am not sure what I am doing to
convey that – perhaps having a demanding job and active hobbies gives this impression?! Or maybe the men who commented were playing mind games.
When I mentioned I lacked the skill to attract a partner, I do mean the game playing thing. Why am I not allowed to show that I
have feelings towards a man? Why must I not text him? In my efforts to not come across as needy, I have repelled. What’s wrong with
wanting to spend time with your partner? That’s how you build intimacy right? I don’t agree with these behaviours so do not indulge in
them. This CHOICE has resulted in my lack of relationship.
So when people ask me why I am single I say, well, initially I took a break from it all which turned from a sabbatical into a way of life.
My single life is not so desperately awful that I need a man to make it better. So it will take a non-fuckwit for me to consider changing how I spend my free time.
When people ask did you ever want children? Honestly, no I did not and do not see that type of lifestyle being fulfilling or enjoyable.
Neither do I want other people’s child baggage –sorry not sorry. Bringing children into the world is a big deal in my book. So
if you had a “mistake” in a previous relationship I’m going to judge you negatively. I would hope that people who procreate
actually have discussions about wanting to have kids and that it doesn’t happen out of the blue. You had sex education in school right?
When people ask what type of partner am I looking for?
a good sense of humour and who importantly is ready and actively WANTS and has TIME for a relationship. Someone who will not run away after I have kissed them and actively contacts me.
Age wise, men my own age are either narcissists, have child and emotional baggage, are bald or generally look old.
I don’t like the idea of dating someone in their 20s. A few years younger is ok. Must have full head of hair, preferably dark brown.
NO BEARD. I don’t care about muscles, or how often you work out but I’m not into obesity or beer guts. Similarly, very thin men are
a no-go. I’d like a man to have a bigger frame than me. It’s biology.
The remark about women over 35? My aunt met her husband at 36. She never thought it was going to happen. There more and more women getting married after 35. Please don’t project your opinions as if they were facts. Your life is your life – and if you really accept it, you wouldn’t be attempting to push it on others with lines like this. There is bitterness in your words here. I’m calling your bluff.
What stupid comment. They are MY facts so that is how I will write them. I’m not pushing my views on anyone. THEY ARE MY VIEWS THIS IS THE INTERNET BITCH. You don’t have to read or agree with them. JOG ON. Projecting? You have chosen to be terribly offended at a comment on the internet. Suggest you get back to your therapist and work harder.
Let’s hope when you decide to pour your heart out you don’t accused of not expressing yourself properly and that your experience is not valid. Nasty little internet troll.
I am a 44 year old man been single for 10 years shaved head and full of flaws and I just wanted to say thank you for your honesty. Your post makes perfect sense. And to be honest I pretty much feel the same way and relate to what you just mentioned.
The post I am referring to Is Lily’s post btw.
You sound as fat, hairy and ugly as you described yourself. As a man I wouldn’t want your sorry, bitter, LOSER was. I feel sorry for you. I’d say “fuck off,” but you don’t get laid anyway. Nasty ugly bitch. You’re the troll here! Dried out cunt!
Ok, pencil dick.
Absolutely love what you wrote. I can relate to a lot of it.
I was married for 24 years now divorced 4 years. I’m 53 and am finding the dating scene is a huge disaster. Try having a conversation with yourself and she never replies. Or she says I’m not good looking or make enough $. I’ve asked a lot of women out for coffee to chat about life get a number no reply when I text. I’ve about had it! I’d rather hang out with friends or have lunch with the guys. Spend money on my Harley Davidson, cigars, or fishing and golfing. Feminism is destroying men and women relations.
I kind of think that people in general just do not know how to openly communicate at all anymore. I read someplace where most people will lie once every 3-5 minutes… how are you supposed to actually get to know someone if that’s how they communicate? TV and movies have just about ruined dating, everybody thinks there is some “magic,” spark that has to happen when you meet that means you are “destined,” to be together. What a bunch of hogwash.
I’m about the same age as you, female, and I have similar dating experiences. Guys that outright lie (one guy did not mention that he was a dwarf…), guys with the intellectual response level of dial tone (I’ve had better conversations with a goldfish), guys that sit there gawking at the waitresses a$$… yep, the fun never ends. Like you, I give up. I ride my Triumph, don’t give them my number at the gas station, and enjoy my freedom.
I just dont know. Im tired. Physically and emotionally from the pain of being disrespected.
Well I’m a guy and I have never had a female that I have dated… I just don’t do… I just won’t do it.
Like so I don’t want kids… next I don’t want to commit to someone. Sorry It’s not my bag. I like women.. I have female friends and friendships. Some of those friendships have led to physical activity. And I love my female friends because there was a fair amount of time involved cultivating or friendships.
I don’t want to be in a relationship because they never end well and the fact is the all will end.. even if you are with someone… just ask some of your friends with problems in their relationships.
I don;t know about you guys but who has time for the start and stop nature relationships…
To the lady that said she was a 10 and not wanting a bald guy… why not just be friends with someone… jsut see where the friendship goes…
To me unconditional Love is only something truly fill for my parents… the love I feel for my female fiends is something very different and far short of cupid love… I kinda look at my lady friends the same as my guy friends… I don’t want to bang my male friends… as I am not gay… I don;t want to bang my female friends…but after a while (many years in some cases… things happen but because we are friends we are there for each other… doing the things friends do.
But yeah don’t invest your heart into a relationship!
Well, just today – I had a guy question why I didn’t want to “be closer” to him, as he wished to be. I asked him to explicitly explain to me what he meant. He meant “friends with benefits”. I told him I am not interested in that type of relationship, with anyone, anymore. (I used to have one, but, I grew out of it. I’m not in my 20s anymore…). He said “oh you want to have someone you can just talk to and go see movies with and..(he goes on to describe actual friends).”
“Yes.”
“Oh well, I wish we lived closer.”
I live in Los Angeles. He lives in New York. So basically, if I would agree to maybe sleep with him, he’d perhaps consider coming to see me. But since not, no.
This story is true. And it’s been going in for at least 1.5 years. This may be a reason why women just say “forget it.”
The singles scene is seriously screwed up, you’d really have to hate yourself to go through what it throws at you. The men that gravitate toward it hate (and I mean HATE) women, they have a chip on their shoulder so big if someone knocked it off it would take their head with it. Most of them are self confessed “loners” (shut ins), half of them can’t get stable accommodation or a job. Fact is those guys have nothing to offer, they want everything, they want it for nothing and they think the world owes them, they’re toxic and with online dating now the poison is spreading. I hear the “singleton” pick up lines, the rhetoric and see the antisocial behaviour come up when I’m out more now than ever, they’re hostile and nasty. I cut the guy down immediately if I see it, it’s got so bad you can’t even go to the shops without some idiot hitting on you (or rather knocking you with a stupid PUA backhanded compliment) in the supermarket because you put the banannas in the top of the trolley instead of the bottom (apparently in some areas it’s code for “I’m single and here to pick up”, what a lot of nutjobs), coffee shops are filled with creepers too. The only way a man can date me is if he’s part of my extended social group and people whose judgment I trust will vouch for him, randoms are always creeps.
Really?
I loved this article. And I can really relate to it. Thanks for sharing.
I’m 34, no kids , and and single. I’m on the verge of stopping on looking for a relationship with a life partner . I feel like today’s men are lacking a lot of things and also have way too much audacity .
I put my all in a relationship, I see it as an investment for someone I find worthy of my time and effort. I wash his clothes, dote on him , encourage him, see to his needs , and gladly be his soft place to land at the end of the day.
Him ??… he doesn’t want to mow the grass, he can’t fix anything on a car , he can’t change a tire for me , he doesn’t know how to use a drill, he’s cheap and sees it as a chore to pay for my dinner, he’s fat and ugly ( I loved him anyway) , but …. he expects me to stay in tip top shape … seriously??? … he puts very little in If any. This is the kind of guy I’ve been dealing with for the past 10 years … I consider myself well balanced in wants and expectations. Yes I want to be treated like a lady , hold the door open for me , take me to dinner and pay for it . Buy me flowers just because. But also respect me , ” don’t snap your fingers at me and tell me to hurry up with that dinner! Yes… I’ll cater to my guy , but he also needs to do some of the “honey do ” list. Guys now a days aren’t handy men but expect women to work full time, keep the house in tip top shape, keep herself in tip top eye candy shape, pay half of the bills, and still cater to him at the ending of the day . Like… Nah. I think I’ll just focus on myself for awhile… lol
So are you without flaw Kitty?
Kitty, u actually described my last ex. After 4 years of this horror, I gave up. I really should have given up WAY SOONER but I was in love and thought love can fix him. He was unemployed when I met him. I encouraged him, cooked for him, cleaned for him…supported him when his friends dumped him, helped him get a good job….Gosh, looking back what a damn fool I was. And in return he called me a B word.
There is no incentives for GOOD woman to date today. Men are complete and utter losers. Women should just be with men for money, since men can offer NOTHING else.
And yes I’m at a cross between old fashioned and modern day standards
By society’s standards as of now , yes I’m guilty for keeping true to gender roles. He needs to get out there and mow that grass just as I need to get in there and wash those clothes. Lol . Equally respect each other, but still have chivalry and romance. Does anybody understand??!! Lol.
I do. I also believe in traditional gender roles. But the moment I say that as a woman I want a man who is a provider and protecter I get called “gold-digger”. its ridiculous. The last guy I was dating, was 20 thousand in debt, would take me out once a week for 7 dollar dinner, and whine that I was a GOLD DIGGER.
ANOTHER ONE TOLD ME TO PAY HIM GAS MONEY so he could come and see me. It’s so efing ridiculous no wonder normal women despise those losers.
since people are too selfish for relationships (both genders) i think the idea of love and all that rubbish is pointless, better off being single or just let someone else pair them up as no one is fit to have a caring mature relationship!! what with the men haters and women haters aroud, is there anyone who is suitable for a relationship?!
So based off of these comments I’ve read very few have actually read your article with any comprehension. You people literally threw all of your own personal bs onto this article when all she simply was sharing was her own personal experience.
Also, usually when someone has healthy self esteem being single forever isn’t viewed as a negative thing. You people need to stop placing your own personal fears onto others.
Prefer to judge others from your position of superiority? Commenting on an article about giving up on love. hahahah the irony
“Because one day a person will walk into your life and it will all make sense. ” I’m sorry, but I think that’s a load of bullshit. I cannot stand to hear these whimsical, fantasy-come-true platitudes. Not everyone gets lucky. You shouldn’t give up on dating in the hopes that Mr. Right is right around the corner and that if you just think seriously about giving up dating for a few months, he’s going to come galloping in on his horse to sweep you off your feet. I hate to break it to you, but reality bites. We all age at the same rate. When it’s time to give up the ghost, do it for good. The sooner you commit to being your own partner, the easier it will be.
Some people are better off single and some people have all the luck and charm. I accept I am not rich and successful or claim to be a wonderful catch or have the looks of a male model. I was married and got divorced 10 years ago and it sucked for a few years. After realizing my only opportunities were drug addicts, people with severe mental issues, or women who had horrible hygiene and looks I decided to look at my situation as a blessing and not a curse. When I get aroused I masturbate and get on with living. Not trying to meet standards and incompatibility issues God could not even meet.
I’m 33, single, and childfree. I have no interest in marriage because I find it meaningless, and weddings are a ridiculous, unnecessary indulgence. I’m not even concerned with finding a long-term relationship and have pretty much decided that I will give up pursuing any kind of romantic or sexual contact. I’ve had relationships of various kinds in the past, but I never find them particularly fulfilling and, after a short time, I feel trapped by the situation, and our respective flaws.
Also, I can’t believe the amount of sexism at the moment. Maybe it’s always been there and it’s just the internet that has revealed it all, but – so much misogyny and misandry! So many unfair expectations from each sex for the other.
It’s so horrible when women label all men as violent rapists, or view them as disposable sperm-donors, or tell them to ‘man-up’, or expect a man will treat them like a ‘princess’.
It’s detestable when a man believes a woman is a liar who just after his wallet, or labels her a slut if she had a certain arbitrary number of partners, or believes that because she is past 30 then she has hit ‘The Wall’ and her ‘sexual market value’ has vanished.
It’s disgusting when each sex labels the other irrelevant or incapable of rational thought, and when we stop treating each other as individual human beings. I believe equally in men’s and women’s rights. Human rights. I don’t understand why there has to be this battle of the sexes going on all the time. Yes, men and women have their differences, but those differences are not nearly so vast or important and people like to make out.
Personally, I don’t give a damn about a man’s salary, or social status, or if he has a fancy car. I don’t give a damn if he has a car at all. I don’t expect to be showered with gifts or have him pay for everything – that’s a horrible, selfish, and entitled attitude. If I ever do find somebody, I want him to be my companion as well as my lover. I want him to be my equal. My friend. I like men as people as well as sexual partners, so if the relationship were in any way serious I would want that connection.
I suspect I will never find anybody like this, partly down to my own faults (the feeling trapped business, for one), but also partly because the concept of The One is nonsense. Also, though I am not old and I consider that I am at least averagely attractive, I know that in some men’s eyes I am no longer in the first flush of youth. Obviously, anyone who does see me that way is to be avoided (and they would obviously avoid me anyway) but I’m in no mood to be ridiculed if I were to put myself back in the dating scene.
Recently, at the suggestion of colleagues, I tried online dating as an experiment. I hated it. I didn’t actually meet anybody in real life, but I didn’t feel comfortable with the set-up. If I ever do meet somebody I want it to happen without it seeming forced.
But, as I said, I am in no mood to meet anybody. I have a fertile imagination, and I never really feel romantically lonely. I prefer friendships and also time to myself. I truly believe I’m one of those people who is better off alone. And I mean that in the most positive way I can.
All I heard from this writer was I I I and me me me
The woman mentioned everything that went wrong with her
but I would be interested hearing how she reciprocated if at all
Would be interesting if she could at least reflect on reciprocal activities for the last 3 months
What many women don’t understand a simple reciprocation in kind goes a long way
I am not talking about an exact tit for tat…. There will always be one that is more capable vs the other
But really if a guy takes you out to expensive restaurants, etc at least consider reciprocating with a candlelight dinner at your home or other treats…. and just not once… come up with weekly reciprocations
I have got to really question a 50 or 60 something person manners when it’s all about them
Don’t forget ladies…. Men are also analyzing where this relationship is going… It’s not all about you
This article by Lindsey Grace is poignant. She sums up so many of the reasons why I gave up dating three years ago. I just got so tired of it. When I was younger and thinner, men flocked to me. But that didn’t mean they still weren’t jerks. As I got older my husband left me for my best friend. During my 30s and 40s dating was a complete and utter failure. I tried everything — dating sites, introduction services, meetup.com, attending social groups, NADA. Nothing brought me any closer to a decent caring man that wanted a real relationship. They all wanted sex with no strings. It just never got any better. Sleep with a man — get dumped; don’t sleep with a man; get dumped. Either way, it was pointless. At age 51, I have decided to become celibate. Heck I might even become a nun! I just have had it with the years and years or lies, and bullshit, and abuse. I truly think that our men today are losers.
I am also concerned about the inability of men and women to forge positive healthy monogamous relationships. They have lost their relationship skills.
I never deserved to be treated so badly all these years. Sure I struggled with my weight, but I was still pretty, educated, talented and maybe not a millionaire, but a hard worker with a generous honest loyal spirit.
Guess that just wasn’t good enough for anyone. I expect to die alone now because of my age and because of what has happened to the men in todays society.
“It’s okay to stop. Because one day a person will walk into your life and it will all make sense. You’ll never look back, and you’ll be glad you waited for t”
So you haven’t actually given up dating – or rather, you haven’t given up on men. Not that you should – but what’s the point of this article, then?
When I see complaints from women about all the men who treated them badly, and they blame the men, it’s time for them to go to therapy to find out why they are CHOOSING the wrong men again and again. It’s not that all men are bad. It’s that they are bad at choosing men.
I agree with article I have made a decision not to look it’s like it takes over having a man in your life. But now women can have a single life they don’t have to have a man in their life to be complete. It’s an individual choice . I have many interests and things going on in my life. I please myself what I do . I dress for me . It is ok to be single . If love comes along that’s good but if not it’s not the end of the world.
Men are just nasty these days. An overactive media hyping up the perfect woman who is a sex maniac and domestic slave, ready to be his meat object at will….this is what women are competing against. Why bother? Men don’t think women are people, apparently we are just some sort of piece of property. Women are waking up to this very blatant fact and are disregarding the stupid fairy tales that are lies to put up with men’s bad behaviour.
I have given up on relationships and dating myself. I realized I am not a relationship guy and much happier living alone and ignoring the social pressures of forming a couple. I have friends if I need someone to talk to or socialize but even then it is rare. For me people only drain my energy if I socialize for too long.
Personally, as a woman I believe the reason men act like this is , because they have FULL access to easy sex, New American wave sex culture /Media, The introduction to Birth Control and Abortions . Unlike the men of the 1900s-1950s , men were more inspired to get married more ,because easy sex was unavailable. Husband and fathers were way more respected then players and pimps. Women were all PROUD to be virgins and a GREAT majority did not SPREAD their legs. The Free Love Era 1970s destroyed Americas marriage rates and morality . Pop culture has a GREAT effect on how society runs. The only way for Dating and Marriage to work is if the ENTIRE population of women STOP opening their legs to men and DEMAND marriage. Men will have to call out men who are Players/Bad boys.
You are 100% correct. Thats why as long as women will give sex away easy with no expectation or marriage, this mess will continue.
Y’all women treat us men worse than trash and it’s sad that y’all really believe we are the problem, when the first mistake you make is that we somehow read minds
You know what I hate about this….. people are all attacking the opposite gender when they are giving up dating. Ever give up because dating humans just SUCKS no matter who it is? Ever give up on dating because you realized that you yourself are too f’d up in the head from life?
Women get rejected/ignored a few times and give up.. lol. Welcome to a mans world. You wanted equality and now .. you’re almost there just one more thing…rejected, ignored, and then pay for everything. Let me know how it works out
All the men commenting on here that they are not typical masculine men and are more sensitive so can’t attract women… where do you all hang out? I can’t stand macho men and WANT a man who is the opposite to me (I’m a bit of a tomboy corporate type, although I dress feminine) but I have only met one so far and he was already taken. Where are you all??? Serious question. Anyone 35-50 in the UK (I’m 32)?? I don’t have kids, no ex husband, not fat, no weird medical stuff or anything. But the only single guys I meet are too macho which is a big turn off. Where are my tall, skinny, sensitive men all hiding?
Maybe the problem wasn’t men in general but the kind of men you were attracting(possibly because of the signals you were putting out and the way you were going about it). It might take some effort to find the right man and someone who is exactly what you are looking for but first you have to know what you are looking for. Then you have to put yourself in a situation where you are going to find it. Maybe looking fora guy on tinder or other casual dating apps isn’t the right way to find “mr. right.” You probably won’t find him in bars either. Consider coffee shops, events or classes at a local college or your library, volunteering, meeting through friends, an art gallery etc. You shouldn’t have to pretend you are something you aren’t to find the right man but on the other hand if your whole life consists of just doing what everyone else seems to be doing(going to bars and getting drunk)then you shouldn’t be disappointed if you don’t find what you truly want and feel you deserve.
Melanie, I understand your frustration and attitude but realize that many men feel the same bitterness and resentment but in other ways. Men are frustrated by teasing, playing hard to get, having to spend money on them, treat them like a lady etc all just for them to either flake out(ie ghost in today’s computer world), or just lose interest altogether. Many men feel they just can’t win with women no matter what they do. Also, a lot of men feel they have to act like jerks or assholes just to get the girl which sometimes could work in the short term but many times it’s disingenuous and back fires on them. Practically everyone has to put on some sort of act(at least in the beginning)but there’s just too much in the way of expectations and dishonesty so everyone fails and both sides end up losing more than they gain. It’s like not being able to get past the scrimmage line(football reference there). I can see why many people give up(heck I have too even though it might only be temporary)but generalizing about how all men or women suck doesn’t help anyone. You need to surround yourself with like minded people and do things that interest you and or things that won’t attract the wrong kind of person if you want to attract the person who is right for you.
Good for you. I actually think all women should NOT sleep with men before a man makes significant investment or proposes (a ring). Don’t give yourself away for free girls. Don’t waste selves.
Because of women being so easy, men became lazy and entitled and its you women who suffer. Just stop doing it.
I think that men and women are pretty done with each other and the walls between us are only growing higher. It makes sense for men to go MGTOW, and it makes sense for women to not have anything to do with men.
This is the world we live in now, and I, for one, am totally ok with that.
Both sides talk past each other and the rift just grows wider. Articles like this, that express how it’s all the fault of men and that women, although not perfect, can still do no wrong in relation to men, only adds fuel to the fire and makes the gap between the sexes that much harder to traverse.
Men=Bad, Women=Good. We all know this already, even non-feminists. We’ve been hearing it since Dworkin, the tune has never changed.
This was me for a about 3 years…i did all of that…id had nothing but heartache and disappointment so focused on me learnt to love myself. Became strong so that I’d not be with someone toxic or bad for me, and id know he’d be the right one for the right reasons.
And then unexpectedly met the man of my dreams. It was just like they said it would be.
Out of nowhere. He did everything right. I let him lead the way and only invested as much as he did. He even had a daughter the same age as my son. It was as if it were meant to be. We said we were meant to be. I finally accepted that I did want a relationship and became open to love again.
I loved him with my whole open heart. I had no reason not to……
Then after two years, i found another woman in his bedroom. He convinced me she was just a friend. He made me feel crazy and doubt myself. Turns out he was two timing me with her. He dumped me heartlessley over the phone, saying “you didn’t actually think we were going anywhere did you” — after convincing me of our future for all of that time.
He then immediatley replaced me with the woman I’d found in his bedroom. Within in just two weeks he was telling people he loved her and posting photos of them together.
My heart shattered into a million pieces.
It really has turned cold now. I tried to not let that happen. But this last heartbreak I think was the final one.
I dont ever want another man near me again. I am done.
yeah im a man 35. I was a marine and a iraq veteran ive had several partners but all I ever wanted was one girl, all I wanted was a family and a wife to forever love. Im not perfect no one is and now im alone and im dying from liver failure, ive spent the last several years drowning my sorrow and lonliness and now i’ll die alone and forgotten. Women have cheated, beat on me, destroyed our home, put me in jail I can’t, I just can’t do it anymore, women bitch about everything they never wanted to be equal they wanted to be special. Ive never had any women offer me money, protection, support. My generation has killed off any hope I ever had of living happily ever after. Women can blame men and vise versa what people haven’t figured out is to simply love eachother.