We’ve all been hurt, but instead of learning from it and moving on, we hold on to it. We let it sink in deep into our souls and consume us. It starts to become an excuse, a defense mechanism, anything that lets us deflect the pain on to something rather than our hurting heart. I have been there, I have done this, I am just as guilty as you are. But just because everyone else is doing it, doesn’t mean we should do it, too. I think we all need to to take a step back and really evaluate what “trust issues” really mean.
Trust issues. That is always the first thing I hear when people are contemplating dating someone. With our generation it’s no surprise that we are weary to jump into a relationship when everyone is cheating or ghosting. Maybe it’s because people don’t treat each other with respect, or maybe it’s because we value other things. Whatever it is, how do we get over this and how do we ever let our hearts open up for the right person?
Everyone has a history of being hurt. Everyone has a horrible story about an ex. But why do we let this person dictate how we feel about other people and relationships? When did we start thinking it’s okay to label everyone as the same? I’m not saying we should open our hearts to everyone. There are definitely a lot of guys after you for the wrong reason.
I have been that person that doesn’t trust. I have been that woman who thinks all men are the same. I have been that woman with unrealistic expectations. It wasn’t until recently that my best guy friend said that I need to give more guys a chance. He was telling me that I cut them off at the first sight of any f*ckboy tendencies. I understood what he was saying. At first I was defensive because I have been hurt so many times. I have a tendency to see people’s potential instead of the reality. It sounds like a good trait to have but usually gets me hurt. I can’t really tell when a guy is a douchebag because they usually treat me well.
I’m not trying to label guys. I’m trying to see who they truly are, but guess what? We are never going to know who a guy is until we give them a chance. Only time will tell. So instead of being scared to go out with someone, instead of being afraid your heart will be shattered into a million pieces, put yourself out there and give it a shot.
You don’t need to give this person your all. You don’t need to open your heart up fully. You can keep it guarded a bit, but also be open to the possibility that we will one day find the exception to our rule. Keep your standards high, don’t lower them. But instead of just knocking every guy you see, maybe give one a chance.
So who knows, maybe he wants one thing, but maybe he is different. The thing is, we never know if someone will hurt us. Even the best guys out there have hurt someone at some point in time. But instead of walking around as cynics and critics, how about we just get to know the person first and then judge? Even if it ends horribly, even if they screw us over, we learn something. We always do. But let’s not let them make our hearts hard, let’s not let every bad guy ruin another guy’s chance. Let’s see if they can take the time to earn our trust. Then, we can let them see into our hearts.
Featured image via lucas da miranda on Pexels
