Sometimes I feel like I am extremely harsh towards men, but then I realize that there is a plethora of things that men do wrong and it gives me a lot of good writing material. It has come to my attention yet again that maybe we should go over some of the things that men should NOT be saying to women.
While women may be slightly more sensitive than men, we are not cry babies. We are strong, independent, no-nonsense ladies that are just tired of hearing men say the same ridiculous things and then not understanding why they have pissed us off yet again. Gentlemen, this is merely a tool to help you learn to think before you speak. This is for your own good.
Here is a list of things you should avoid ever saying to a woman, unless you want her to take a swing at your genitals:
1. “You are really moody today…” Oh hunny, you have seen NOTHING yet.
2. “Damn you eat a lot… Are you pregnant?” Excuse me, when you eat a bucket of chicken wings you are a champ, but when I eat more than a carrot, you assume I have an alien growing in me?
3. “Have you gained some weight? That dress used to fit you differently…” Nope, just decided to start weight lifting so I can kick your ass now. Thanks for noticing!
4. “We can go out on a date, but you have to pay.”  Sir, I don’t know if you mean for myself (which I am fully capable of) or if you mean for you as well (solid f*ck no), but with that, bye Felicia and good wishes on your Tinder swiping.
5. “Are you on your period?” Excuse you, but it is none of your business if Satan is trying to escape from my body for the next three to five days, so do not assume my ovaries are to blame for how I am acting toward you.
6. “Is that your Grandma’s sweater? I’m just saying, you kind of look like a grandma in it…” Nope. Bought this at the store. In the young adult department actually. Thank you for being concerned about my Grandmother’s closet though.
7. “You know, we would probably be together by now if you just got your own place…” And then I will be providing for you the rest of my life like a small child? How romantic! Sarcasm much. Pathetic.
8. “Don’t all romantic comedies start out with the girl chasing/waiting for the guy?” Let me break down romantic comedies for you – NOT A SINGLE ONE OF THEM INVOLVES THE GIRL CHASING THE GUY.
9. “Why are all women so shallow…” No, no, no. Not all women are shallow and because one woman asked you to take her on a date that didn’t involve a Value Menu doesn’t not mean that she is shallow. Cheap ass.
10. “You should smile more…”  And you should focus on something other than just my looks.. Did you stop to think saying something this idiotic makes a woman want to look like a bull in a bullfighting ring or make ugly cry like a Bachelorette contestant?
11. “Are you always this naggy?” Only on days that end with Y, when you aren’t holding up your end of the bargain in this relationship, and when you’re being a jerk… Yup, I guess that would make it every day then.
12. “I don’t know why girls don’t like me. I mean I think I’m funny, good-looking, kinda the whole package…” Said to the girl he is laying in bed next to. Hmm, is this some kind of foreplay I am not getting? If so, I have lost my lady boner and figured out why no other girls like you.
13. “No need to be that sassy…” No need to be that dumbassy, but it’s your fault for this sassiness, not mine. Also your fault that I am now having to make up words.
14. “That’s a man’s job… Just let a man do it…” If that is the case, why is a woman not only doing it, but doing it better than a man? Egotistical ass.
15. “A woman’s place is in the kitchen…” Careful with this, considering you never want to mess with the person who handles what you eat.
16. “I will not hold open the door for you. A woman once yelled at me for doing it for her. Feminism killed chivalry…” Forgot to read the daily bitch memo that says yell at a man when he does something nice. Just like men forgot to read the dipshit handbook that says YOU WILL GET LAID IF YOU ACT LIKE A GENTLEMAN ON A DATE. (Not a guarantee, but if you act like a complete ass and say chivalry is dead, no chance in hell you will be getting any action any time soon…)
17. “Do you mind if we go dutch? I’m tired of paying for the first date & never getting a second…” Word of advice – Maybe this is why you never get a second date in the first place.
Again, men this is for your own good.  It’s a simple tool to help men realize that if they would like to keep a woman in their life or not have her pulling a Carrie Underwood on their truck, then they have to learn to think before they speak. Until next time my friends!
Featured image via Daria Litvinova on Unsplash
