I spend a lot of time in the car driving by myself; alone with my thoughts and the road. Most of the time I let the music guide me in and out of my reveries, but today, I just let the world itself take over. The darkness fills the road ahead as my thoughts fill the car around me. The stars are just beginning to peek out from the clouds as the moon begins to rise and starts to shine the way. While I concentrate on the yellow lines and the rumble of my engine, I am brought about to watch the stars. They take me back, to remind me of our beauty and torture our demise.
The night was always something that belonged to us. The stars were our entertainment in the field where we lay, trying to reach out and touch something that was far beyond our control. We would spend hours under a blanket looking up at the large world above us, waiting for something bigger to take hold. We would hope for shooting stars, knowing that they would eventually come. We would make wishes and hope for days where they could come true. We would wish our lives away on those fleeting glimmers of hope, knowing that tomorrow everything could change. It would be the place that we came to know and love because it was our own.
I have not gone back to those nights or that place since we ended it. No one has ever gotten to know that part of me; how much I loved the thrill of being under that wide open sky. No one has ever wanted to see me like that; the vulnerability of being out in the open and see a different side. No one has ever affected me the way that you did on those nights, wanting to know what was really on the inside. No one has deserved to fill the void that you left because those stars are something that can only belong to someone special. Those stars are our own and the only beauty we have left to hold.
I always come back to those stars that never seem to leave me even though they are hanging so far up in the sky. Without you by my side, they are my comfort and my guide. They are dependable, reassuring, and are the beauty that I sometimes need. They are the reason that I still have hope and know that I can survive. They are the idea of something bigger in this world, challenging us to keep in line. They are the only piece of you that I am willing to keep a hold on and keep alive.
Night drives always clear my mind. They always bring me back to us and those simple moments in time. We ended terribly and beyond repair, but there are those moments when we were under the stars that make the end seem so unfair. Within the heartache, there is beauty and for that, I can keep going by. I will forever love those stars and the midnight sky because, under those, our love is still alive. I don’t know what it is, but there is just something in the clarity of a night drive.
Featured image via Steve Halama on Unsplash
