Throughout my entire life I never completely knew what I wanted to do. I had always had my share of dreams and goals but then I started to notice how my answer would be the same every time when being asked the small question of “ what do you want to do after school?” When I was a kid I loved taking pictures- as I hated being in them, and so I started scoping around for what I could do with photos and eventually I was familiarized with National Geographic. Up until yesterday, I always said that is my goal; that is what I want to do, I was going to have a career in National Geographic. Then when I was in my last year of high school I picked up writing and loved it, so then my dream of National Geographic grew and kept growing, until the point where I had a full-time job working for a newspaper, as a local reporter.
I thought I knew what I wanted, I thought I wanted to write for the rest of my life, I thought it was for me, I thought this is it. I was delivered boatloads of praise for my writing and I got to the point where it wasn’t what I wanted to do. I dreaded writing, I stopped writing and half-assed the articles because I didn’t find it appealing, nor fun or eventful, and so I started dreading the moment I had to sit down and write. Awful- pure awful.
I wanted to have a career in National Geographic as a reporter. At least I thought that was what I wanted. But is it? Lately, all I can focus on is anything other than writing. I am doing it almost all day, every day but it isn’t enjoyable. And so I ask one thing… why?
Why do these dreams fade? Where does my motivation go?– I ask as I am sitting here enjoying writing this article. I enjoy this, I enjoy writing, but only the things I find interesting and just like everyone else, I am better at accomplishing tasks for the things I enjoy doing. And I know you are all thinking “this is life Ashlyn, you don’t always get what you want,” but I don’t believe in that. I see the people who are out there traveling the world and living life the way they want to, it’s almost unbearable. Unbearable to see these people living a life they enjoy while I sit here and contemplate my next move. My next move to keep me happy for a few weeks.
I have the travel bug and that is what keeps me happy so now what I need to find is a career where I can travel, where I can write (about topics that interest me), where I can be adventurous and meet people with the same mentality as myself. What I am trying to get across here is that anyone can change what they want in life and at any age. Life is short and if you have to find a way to be happy, then do it. Follow your dreams and find happiness. Don’t cut ties with people- as you never know when your paths will meet again, but do what is best for yourself. Do what you want and change what you want. Do what scares you, what makes you original, what keeps you awake at night, wishing you could have done. Live life so that you have no regrets and remember one thing;
be yourself, because an original is worth more than a copy!
Feature image via Bronwyn Janse on Unsplash
