What is happening with us? It’s a question that goes through my head every single day. Why does it feel as though I’m slowly losing my mind? Why do I feel like I’m sitting on pins and needles waiting for it to always end, even though you have given me no reason to think that it is. Why do I assume you are like the rest of them and you are going to vanish like a ghost? Why is it that I can’t stop and just enjoy what is happening with us? Why am I always worried about us even though there is no us yet? Why does dating have to be such an anxiety driven game?
I can’t seem too eager to hear from you, but if I don’t give you enough emphasis you might think I’m not interested. I can’t seem too worried that I haven’t heard from you in a while, because it has only been a few dates, but I also want you to know that I want to hear from you more often than this. I can’t let you know that I’m sitting at home waiting for you to ask me out, because that is dangerously desperate, but I want you to be asking me out every weekend, because Lord knows man, I’m into you.
You want to take this slow, see where this goes. You have a strong head on your shoulders and know that this is the way it is supposed to go. We are supposed to take this one step at a time. You are the one that is keeping us at pace, making sure that we don’t sprint out this marathon. You are the one that eases my anxiety and makes the day get better with your words. You have made it clear that you are interested, but haven’t rushed to a title, haven’t rushed to a promise. You are the normal one.
And then there is me.. I want more and I want it now. I want to know exactly where your mind is at all times and why we still have to be in this “dating” phase. My heart is racing thinking it is over every time I don’t hear from you. My mind is reeling every time I finally do and what was the worry for? My body is in pain from the stress of over-thinking about us and where this is going. I want to rush into something, just to know that I can’t lose you to someone else. I want to feel this sense of security that I haven’t felt in a long time. I don’t want to wait.
That’s the thing about dating… Waiting. The anxiety builds over the waiting. The anticipation builds with the waiting. The pressure builds with the waiting. Whether it is romance or it is a wall that is going to come crashing down, dating is a waiting game. Some will make it through and receive the gold medal at the end of the race and others will fall victim to its twists and turns. It’s painful but maybe the only thing that you can learn from dating is patience. With those that are meant for you, it will work out in the end. If it wasn’t, then take from it the lesson, but always have the patience. I’m waiting babe, I swear I’ll be patient.
Featured image via Max Ilienerwise on Unsplash
