I really wish I had good friends that would have set me up on a blind date with Prince Harry before Meghan got to him, because dating is just ridiculous anymore. It doesn’t have to be, yet we live in a society where it is easier to just walk away with no explanation rather than be upfront and honest with someone. When did it become perfectly acceptable to just stop talking to someone, leaving them with no answer to what went wrong and forcing them to jump to their own conclusions? Or has it always been like this and now we’re just okay with calling people out on it?
Ladies and gentlemen, we’re all adults here. Well at least our age says that, maybe we don’t act that way all the time, but we can pretend to be adults here. The decent thing to do, while it is sometimes painful and can be brutally harsh, is to be honest with them. Tell them how you’re feeling verses giving them a mental run around about what they might have done wrong. Don’t leave them high and dry with no answers at all or leave them feeling as though they’re simply that undeserving of an answer. Better yet, for the love of all that is holy in the dating world, don’t Casper them.
I know what you’re thinking, but Casper was a friendly ghost, that doesn’t sound so bad. Oh no, it is. Caspering is the term that I thought I created after my last “moment in time, date, what the hell just happened there, almost relationship but that was too quick to even be a blip on the computer screen, I think I just dreamt this whole month up in my mind” type of thing, but apparently ubran-dictionary got to it before me. Those bastards.. Anyways caspering is when someone is too nice to tell you that they aren’t interested, so they politely answer your texts, but they don’t follow up with you or show any interest in going out again. I.E. – They’re nicely trying to ghost you out of their life.
This is a common practice when they’re a part of your regular life but physically can’t remove themselves from the situation (You know, unless they flee the country or formally joins the witness protection program), so they just semi-disappear and hope that you will get the point on your own so they don’t have to come right out and tell you it. Caspering is semi-worse than ghosting, because with ghosting you at least don’t have your hopes up. When you’re ghosted you know that’s that, not going anywhere, but when your Caspered you’re in the nice limbo with someone, someone is thinking that this is going to end in their favor. In reality, it is going to suck so much more for them when they find out all their dating hopes and bedroom dreams are going to come crashing down around them when you eventually have to tell them you’re not interested in pursuing any yogurt shop, bowling activities or adopting a puppy with them future endeavors. In reality, by caspering you’re just delaying the inevitable.
Again I say, it is better to have it all out on the table and be honest with someone. It’s semi hypocritical on my part considering I have done this before as well, but I didn’t really realize that I had done it until it had happened to me personally and how terrible it could feel afterwards. It is an uncomfortable conversation that no one ever really wants to have, but it is better than letting someone get their hopes up over you and crushing them weeks or even months later when you finally let them know how you really feel.
Lesson to be learned: A TWO PARTER – First off, honesty is the best policy. If you’re not into it, tell them before they get their hopes up and plan your destination wedding and future home. Don’t keep stringing them along hoping that they will get the hint or that you might end up developing feelings, this is their feelings that are on the line. Don’t toy with that. Second, if your gut is telling you he/she isn’t into you, listen to it. If they aren’t acting the same way with you as they did before and something feels off, ask them. If they continue to skate around the question, then walk away. When someone is interested in you, they’re going to make their feelings known no matter what.
Originally seen on Hunny, Learn From Me.
Photo by Anthony Tran on Unsplash
