I’ve felt “behind” ever since I became an adult — but especially now. I’m in my 30s, still live with my family, and am not in a relationship. By contrast, the majority of my friends are living with their partners and are either engaged, married, or have children. It’s extremely easy for me to compare — to feel like I’ll never reach those milestones myself.
Don’t get me wrong — when my friends move forward in life, I’m happy for them.
I love my friends and want them to succeed; I just wish I didn’t feel so far “behind” in my own life. When I do feel “behind,” I remind myself that everyone’s felt this way at some point. Even my friends who seem “ahead” may feel like others have achieved their goals more quickly.
I also try to remember that I should never compare my life to my friends’ lives because we each have our own paths. No one’s life looks alike, so comparing others’ successes to mine isn’t realistic. We all achieve milestones on our own time and have our own triumphs to be proud of.
Staying proud of my accomplishments takes my mind off the goals I haven’t yet achieved.
I feel like I’m finally starting to “catch up” to others, but more importantly, I celebrate every bit of progress towards my biggest goals. I’m proud to have settled into a new part-time job at a non-profit that I love, and even though the past few years have challenged me in unimaginable ways, I’m in a much better place mentally now. I focus on my life and my goals because even though I want to compare myself to others sometimes, I mostly care about the progress I’m making.
Scrolling through social media can make the urge to compare ourselves to others extremely strong, but we need to remember that our friends often show us their highlights rather than their struggles. We’ll never know how they truly feel in all of those “perfect” pictures of their life milestones. Maybe they feel anxious or sad, but all we see are smiles and successes. Our friends are human too, and they’re just as likely to feel anxious about their new job or empty on the day they accept a marriage proposal as we are.
We need to stop comparing other people’s lives to ours.
Instead, we should focus on what we’re accomplishing, even if our wins feel “smaller” than what we see on social media. Every “little” success moves us closer to our biggest goals, and how we feel is just as important as what we achieve.
It’s hard not to compare our achievements to our friends’ successes, but it’s still possible to escape that “comparison trap.” When you want to compare, remember how far you’ve come in life, and celebrate your wins when you have them. We’re all on our own timeline, which makes your successes as important as anyone else’s, even if they feel “smaller.” You will achieve your goals, but until you do, celebrate the “small” successes just as much as you celebrate your friends’ wins. When you focus on how you’re succeeding, you’ll live a much happier life.
Featured Photo by Ahmet Yuksek on Unsplash.
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